Monday, November 05, 2007

I don't like Mondays: Week 1

This is my version of Red's "Around the Quad." First and foremost, I'd like to thank Red in front of this BearMeat audience for all the hard work he has put forth into keeping the Editorial Board somewhat sober and the BearMeaty world kicking. You wouldn't believe the amount of interventions we've had this year. He's dubbed those dark times, "I Extend My Olive Branch Towards You, My Friend. Please Do Not Touch My Hairy Olive Pits." Thanks and huzzah, Red.

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Another successful BearMeat intervention by President Red Andrews

Anyways, Mondays are bitter pills for fans of the B. It hasn't really fazed me throughout this whole damn farce of a football season, but today I am especially bitter. Maybe the fact that our newest Intern, Yemal Grangerson, delivered a case of Wiser's Whiskey instead of our usual Rebel Yell for our Homecoming festivities is the reason for my awful, awful attitude today. I say sorry in advance. Here's a round-up of gunk 'n' bitterness.

Has King GuyMo gone crazy (9th question down) or is he the new Baby Aristotle?

How important is it for the players to keep playing for something? Morriss: "Well it is important. It's kind of like the farmer comes home, and there are two crying babies waiting for him, and momma's run off with the milkman. You've got to do something.

And doing something in this regards would be grabbing the shotgun and hunting your babies' momma and the milkman down. I hereby motion for Baylor players to run around with shotguns above their heads. It would be a Tusken Raiders vs. The Last Boy Scout mash-up. The B could actually make money off of football games. Hell, we might as well keep King GuyMo for another season. Awesome!

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(I will give you, our very special readers, the option to caption this great photo)

Not to be outdone, the B's basketball program lost to Tarleton State!!! Upon reading that article I got two thoughts in my head.
  • Thank God we haven't lost the will to shoot the three.
  • Thank Jesus we haven't learned how to play defense.

Scott Drew sez:

Tarleton is a very good team. This is a very good thing for us, not that we lost the game and executed poorly, but it gives us an idea of what we need to focus and improve on before we start playing the games that count.

No Drew. The loss is a very, very good thing. No need to build hope. It's hurts the heart and soul so much. Just ask the Polish Pony. Expectations suck.

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Are the ladies down with Bruce's new look? I know I am!

TurdPolishers are crazy for coaches! I have to admit. The TurdPolishers are frankly quite amusing. I feel better as a human when I see them fighting with each other. The coaching names being tossed around there are Larry Fedora (OSU offensive coordinator - ex-Teaff/Reedy asst. coach), Houston Nutt (headcoach of the Arkansas Pigs), and Gene Stallings (I would love to have the Crypt Keeper as head ball coach - click-clack - there goes my hip). And then there are the Singletary worshippers who would die by Samurai Mike's blade. *Warning* TurdPolisher humor is not for everyone. I will not even link to the site. You must know it by now.

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Baylor/OU game on TV. Awesome. Saturday at 5:30pm on Fox Sports Southwest. Recruits please look away. Board of Regents please pass the brandy.

If you missed the preseason polls, the Lady Bears are ranked mostly in the 15 range. Not that these early polls mean much. But, damn, we sure do need a confidence booster these days. But let's not be too hasty cos it's still a Monday. Apparently a report is out there as of last week that BearMeat's darling dunker, Brooklyn Pope, might be heading to Rutgers. That sucks. We would have turned this place into a freakin' Pope shrine. Oh well, hopefully it's a false report. Ho hum. Oh yeah, the men's team lost a big recruit too. Yay. Mondays.

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It's so hard being a Bear sometimes.

Please report to us anymore depressing news in the comments section. Thanks for your continual support. Sic 'em.



  • Dear Brethren of the Bear,

    After sitting through the sixty minute tutorial on how to run the spread, it is clear to see that we have light years to go until we are going to a bowl game. I especially enjoyed the part of the game where we became an option team for 2 quarters. That was cute. Anyhow, my optimism will not fade, because with any luck we can clean out the tool shed that is our coaching staff and go hire a real coach. For heaven's sake, Baylor graduates make more money than most Big 12 schools and we should pay 20 million to have Knute Rockne re-animated and then pay him the going rate of $5 Million a year.


    The SamHedrin

    PS - If Penn State is Linebacker U, USC is QB U, etc. Can we be Punter U?

    By Blogger The SamHedrin, at 5:05 PM  

  • The SamHedrin,

    You have renamed BearMeat's subtitle as of now.

    I imagine Lee Hays offensive playbook has Hello Kitty and flower doodles drawn over all the pages. No other way to explain the smorgasborg that is AirBear.

    Thanks for the love.


    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 5:11 PM  

  • Didn't Coach Morris play for the Patriot team that was waxed by Singletary's Bears in Super Bowl XX? There would be some symmetry if Mike is the next head coach. And hopefully his coaching performance in relation to Morris would mirror that of the Bears v. Patriots.

    By Blogger bluearmadillo, at 5:29 PM  

  • Sammy, you have to have a decent punter to earn the title of "Punter U" and we have only had one, the Great Super Sep.

    Guvnr Pat, I concur with your deep dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck we would have no luck at all.

    No Rebel Yell?!?!? That's enough to send anyone over the edge.

    And Blue, please go back over to Turd for such non-sense. This team needs a proven coach, not a samuri named Mike.

    I just wanted you to know, I love you all. no funeral...

    By Anonymous poopsandwich, at 5:52 PM  

  • "No Drew. The loss is a very, very good thing. No need to build hope. It's hurts the heart and soul so much. Just ask the Polish Pony. Expectations suck."

    It's lines like these that keep us green masochists coming back for more.

    Thank god for back-to-back-to-back-to-back nothing-to-lose seasons

    By Blogger BDP, at 5:58 PM  

  • Caption for King GuyMo's pic:

    "Would you like an apple pie with that? duh to duh"

    By Anonymous poopsandwich, at 11:15 AM  

  • Poopsanguich...I have no delusions about whether Singletary can rescue Baylor. Baylor's problems cannot be solved by one coach. We lack the visibility, facilities, and resources it takes to compete seriously in a BCS conference. We don't have a sugar daddy like Phil Knight or T. Boone Pickens. And the administration isn't willing to cut corners and become SMU-Waco in order to win either.

    Singletary has no head coaching experience and the only thing that is keeping his name in the discussion is that he is an alum. Sure, he won a Super Bowl, but that was 20 years ago, and he has been retired from play in the NFL as long as many potential recruits would have been alive. Therefore, I can't see many recruits being terribly aware of his greatness as a player, meaning that there would be no 'awe' of him and a subsequent willingness to play for Baylor. I could be wrong, but I hope you can see I'm no 'turd polisher.'

    By Blogger bluearmadillo, at 1:39 PM  

  • Blue, being the manly man that I am, I can never admit when I am wrong. But if I could, I would retract that turd polishing comment.

    Love always,

    the poopster

    By Anonymous poopsandwich, at 10:17 PM  

  • Poop...No worries at all. Your comments always add wit and humor to an already great blog. Cheers...Blue.

    By Blogger bluearmadillo, at 11:34 AM  

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