Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I don't like Mondays: It's Wednesday Edition

OK. Move it along, folks. Nothing to see here. Keep walking.

And that is what we shall do. BearMeat reserves the right to lean heavily on our hollow crutches filled to the brim with Rebel Yell this upcoming Saturday. This season has dragged on far too long. The week has been slow and arduous here. It's hard to get up out of bed and say to yourself, "Dammit! I'm going to do my best to be the best satirist I can be about the most satirical BCS football program in the country! I AM A bEARmEAT WRITER....Yay!?"

BearMeat in Stillwater. Circa Spring '07.

Anyways...Bruins Bold has done an excellent job of detailing and explaining the GuyMo era, which we think we can safely say is almost over. Let's just get the hell outta dodge and get on to other sports. Winnable sports. As in Big 12 Conference victories sports.

Infared BearMeat searching for the infamous Oklahoma Predator

TurdPolishing has invaded the Dallas Morning News. I do think it was nice to see the O-Line show up to play this year. They are far and away the ComeBack Players of the Year award winners. According to our inside sources, Blake Szymanski apparently has hands the size of a 9 month baby and a heart as fragile as a pet rabbit. Cheers to our new season passing leader in various categories of statistic greatness! Jeers to non-contact turnovers!

J.J. Joe, you're still my favorite Bear QB.

[An important side note here. Would you believe that some Baylor football "fans" don't prefer Mike Singletary as head ball coach because he is married to a white woman??? Some of the pricks on make Aggies look like decent human beings. What a pathetic display of support for Baylor. The fervor over there used to make me chuckle. Now it's more like vomit.]

Anyways. Watch out Waco! Community leaders are actually thinking about not putting up the giant Texas Ranger statue. Let's see what the local businesses are saying...

Honey Rader, owner of Honeys Home+Style in downtown Waco, said the statue wouldn't help the city's image.

Radar said especially if it reminds people of the Branch Davidians and their deadly standoff with law enforcement.

Honey?...Rader?...Quite possibly the best name ever?!

"More Honey! Less Statue!"

The Gentlemen Bears are headed to the Virgin Islands for the Paradise Jam Tournament, and all I can think about is how much poon-tanging Aaron Bruce will be accomplishing on Temptation Island. If any of you all out there have some hot, soft-core action stories about The Bruce, please forward it our way. Please. Also, I really hope we play and crush Notre Dame in the tournament. That would be awesome.

"Throw another virgin on the barbie, mate!"

The Lady Bears play tomorrow night against Texas Pan-Am and then take a ten-day break until a Sunday match-up in Waco with the California "Golden" Bears. This will be a televised game on FSN and a great game to boot. A Baylor victory will help propel them to top ten status in the polls and an eventual National Championship. We are known for our embellishment.

Devanei Hampton (Not Pictured): "My hands are bigger than Blake Szymanski. Period."

Alright, chew on that. Green 'n' Gold in Solidarity. Sic 'Em Bears.



  • When they come to Waco, Cal may be without Golden Bear junior center Devanei Hampton, since she's nursing a knee injury. Hope she makes the trip, however, as Devanei has the Pac-10's most striking hair! (see photo at link: in green and gold are Oregon Ducks, ducking Devanei's tresses, not BU Lady Bears)

    By Anonymous Scamp, at 7:07 AM  

  • Ummm...who is that in the photo, cuz it sure as heck don't look like Dev.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:45 AM  

  • Scamp - Her hair is awesome.

    And Anon - That sure as hell is not Hampton.

    You could be a future intern!


    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 11:02 AM  

  • Houston Nutt likes white ladies. Is he hired?

    By Blogger Big Head, at 10:31 PM  

  • I was looking through my latest issue of ESPN The Magazine and in a crawl on the bottom of the pages of their NCAA men's BB preview they had Baylor ranked 59 of 65 tourney teams...or maybe it was Butler?

    By Blogger bluearmadillo, at 12:39 PM  

  • I'm having BearMeat withdrawals! I have the shakes!

    Oh wait, my bottle of Rebel Yell is empty. That might be the cause, too.

    By Blogger TB, at 9:59 PM  

  • and in related news.....its saturday.

    By Anonymous henry craig, at 11:28 PM  

  • Well, that's over. Now, we've got a basketball game to worry about.

    In the words of Blazing Saddles:

    So much potential to mock a program who has had as bad a year as we have. Worse, if you consider how far they fell. Now, both look to hoops to lessen the pain.

    (Besides, aren't there any good Catholic jokes out there?)

    By Anonymous unpossible, at 9:55 AM  

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