Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Bear vs. Pirate, Part 1: The DiscoTech! Chronicles

[The following is a free-ranging conversation between Red Andrews, the Senior Editor of the BearMeat Editorial Board, and Bond J. Bond, blogger-extraordinaire, from DiscoTech! Thanks to their shared sensibilities, they had much to discuss about our schools and the upcoming game between Baylor and Tech. Very little football was discussed. All images provided by DiscoTech!'s Big Book of Tech Hotties. - Eds.]


The Ladies

Red:
For all its many faults, you really can't blame Baylor for having an incredible endowment of white poontang. With nearly 60% female undergraduates, Baylor men have excellent odds of leaving WacoU with a hot wife, or at least a sporting chance at a three-way. The dating culture here is bi-polar as hell: either hook-up or get engaged. There isn't much in-between. Not a lot of friends-with-benefits or casual dating relationships. Usually either courtship or drunken coitus are your two options. However, the women are spectacularly beautiful, and in spite of what you might think, it isn’t too hard to land one in the sack - just as long as you promise to take them to church the next day. I imagine Tech girls to be a lot easier to get to know Biblically, and a lot less inhibited, when you really get to know them. "Getting your guns up" probably has all sorts of meanings in that respect. If the photos posted on DiscoTech! are any indication, Tech has an endowment in hotties that rivals that of The B.

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Tech Beauties: Finger-Lickin' Good


Bond:
As we've illustrated in our yearbook posts, the campus has long been littered with the broken hearts of morally weak men...it's by no means a function of what any one person or group of people did to cause it -it's just a dominant trait in the school's genetic code. When I first arrived at Tech I was in a veritable Candyland - it would be similar to taking Coach Mangino to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Palace. I would say that while I was at Tech your ability to hook up with a Greek girl was directly correlated to whether or not you were Greek. Although, even in the short time I was there the "status" of Greek life was beginning to fade as the PC/anti-hazing crowd was moving quickly to eradicate any semblance of Southern Greek tradition. Most of the girls at Tech were promiscuous and were happily "yours" as long as you promised to take them to the Midnight Rodeo on Thursday night so they could find a new hook-up.


Whiskey Drinkin'


Red:

Thanks to a long tradition of off-campus drinking since the 1950s, Baylor is surprisingly like many state schools in the amount of keggers, frat parties (Edward 40-Hands comes to mind), and jello shootings at local bars. While we are Baptists (at least half of us are) and come from a teetotaling tradition, the flip side is that there is a unacknowledged, but un-checked culture of tailgating, boozin' and wasting away again in Margaritaville. It sure would be nice to have a bar in the student union, like at UT, but we take what they give us and Waco is a very easy place to drink if you are underage and adventurous. You can drink in the public parks here and can buy alcohol at H-E-B until midnight and at the bars until 2am. I've heard some horror stories about Lubbock being pretty dry. Are y'all still able to get the necessary provisions for making the right type of bad decisions?

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Tech Cheerleaders Know How To Party


Bond:
Some would say the bad decisions started the day we "committed" to go to Tech. Tech is strict about not having any alcohol on campus. So, no bar in the UCor University Center which would be the same as your Student Union ("Student Union" is so Labor Party). That's no biggie, though because all you have to do is cross four lanes of traffic and a median across University Ave and you have your choice of cirrhosis delivery tools. The dorms also make every effort to keep the premises alcohol free. At some point though, the University has to trust that the Resident Assistant on your floor is also a good policeman. But when your RA is loaning you his dolly to bring kegs up the stairwell and fronting you the keg deposit -let's just say your freshman year is all about seeing how high you can get your alcohol tolerance. And the Strip is only a few miles out of town - and while there's something to be said for the neighborhood package store, I gotta tell you – walking into Bob's warehouse of unlimited alcoholic delights is an outstanding Vegas-like experience.

Aggies


Red:
One thing we both have in common is our mutual hatred for those Ags. I'm not sure why you Techies hate them so much, but for us, its kinda like the Hatfields and McCoys. We've been playing them since 1899 and they just haven't grown on us since then. A brawl in the stands in the 1920s led to a dead Aggie, which suspended our "rivalry" for 5 years and relations haven't improved much since then. Something about their ridiculous traditions, hatred of knowledge, and overall belligerence just rubs us the wrong way. Who in their right mind would want to attend a school so backward in so many ways? We wish we had the record y'all have had against the Ags recently. It sure must feel good to take it to those chumps.

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Texas Coeds Gone Wild!


Bond:
I think we join the general population of America when it comes to bagging on Aggies. Going to college should be that time in your life when you're exposed to different ideas, thoughts and experiences. You're free to confirm your beliefs or to change your mind at any time. Aggies seem to revel in their perceived superiority and the fact that their traditions border on Jonestownian doesn't seem to register in their closed mind. I think that the modern generation of Raiders thoughts about the Aggies were confirmed when they broke the leg of Rodney Allison on 1977. I have posted pics from our yearbook that reveal that the Aggies were defacing school monuments as early as 1969, though. Aggies have some to the DiscoTech! and said "All you talk about is the Aggies - every post is about us." This reveals three things about them in my opinion:
1. Megalomania
2. They need an abacus or something
3. They continue to make themselves easy targets.

GuyMo vs. Mike "The Pirate" Leach


Red:
Leach is a badass pirate sent by the football gods to give endless material to bloggers and West Texans. I would give my first born son for Leach to coach at Baylor. Right now our basketball coach, Scott Drew, could probably have squeaked out a conference win this season, and he's never won a road game in four years at the B. GuyMo is on his way out and everyone knows it. He showed us that we could muster a win or three in conference, but not much else. Its time for us to move in another direction – Mike Singletary, maybe. Perhaps we could convince that defensive coordinator at Alabama to come coach for us - wait, that's Kevin Steele. Dammit.

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Good Things Come in Threes

Bond:
Do you really grasp the comedy that would be Coach Leach in Waco?!? First, he's a Mormon. He's as much admitted that he has religious discipline issues, so I don't think he's made it to sacred sanitary napkin status. Rumors used to be quite persistent that he was a drunk - although I think those have died down as people realize that he just talks that way all the time. He absolutely LOVES the press, especially when it's about him - so being as close as you are to Austin and DFW would only allow him more outlets/opportunities to be on YouTube. With Scott Drew in the same building - there could be some really lively religious topics discussed between those two. As we've mentioned on the blog we're just confused. We've come to expect certain things and have become victims of our own success. Coach Leach has elevated the program's status and the team hasn't delivered. We hold out hope that the youth of the team will serve us well next year and that maybe we can get a "name" defensive coordinator during the spring. Kevin Steele you say? Hmmmm. No thanks. We are glad that we have found our interweb doppelganger in BearMeat and raise a tumbler of Woodford Reserve on the rocks, unsullied by cola products, to you. Cheers.

Labels:

9 Comments:

  • Good job, Men. I think we'll have a good old time when the basketball season starts. I really like the Drew vs. Knight match-up.

    Dare I say Baylor = NIT?

    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 8:00 AM  

  • Thanks, Guvn'r. To even whisper "NIT" is to dream the nearly-impossible dream. If Scott Drew can prove he's got a pair, then maybe our hyper-talented squad will finally live up to its potential.

    Also, Mulk's book is coming out and its got plenty of Meaty Tidbits!

    Red

    By Blogger Senior Editor Red Andrews, at 8:59 AM  

  • Meaty Tidbits as in scandalous comments and truthiness?!?

    Or Meaty Tidbits as in hot 2-3 zone defense action?!?

    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 9:59 AM  

  • How can you talk Mulk, when we have pics of hot cheerleaders?

    Me thinks yummy cheerleaders have hands on buttocks!

    By Anonymous poopsandwich, at 11:06 AM  

  • PoopSammich:

    Watch your tongue, sir! We will not abide Mulk's dismissal for talk of Tech hoochies. Mulk is our dream date, our champion, and our sports savior. Mind your words, Mr. Sammich.

    Red Andrews
    Chairmen, Mulk for Football Coach Committee

    By Blogger Senior Editor Red Andrews, at 12:01 PM  

  • Red:

    Please forgive my momentary lapse in judgement kind sir. Hot hoochie mamma's have that effect on me. I am but a poor pitiful horndog. May the Mulk shine her forgiveness on me.

    By Anonymous poopsandwich, at 12:21 PM  

  • Poop Sammich:

    All is forgiven. Lust can do terrible things to a man.

    Red

    By Blogger Senior Editor Red Andrews, at 1:44 PM  

  • Thank you, BearMeat, for reminding me of all the fun I missed out on as an undergrad because I was married. Argh!

    (Wipes tear from face, retreats to couch, opens copy of Won't Back Down, slips hand dans pants, Al Bundy style)

    By Blogger bluearmadillo, at 3:12 PM  

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