Sunday, October 21, 2007

Baptist Jokes!


By now you probably want some assessment on whether Machen is actually a better QB than Blyzzle. GuyMo seems pleased with him, as does the WacoTrib's Jerry Hill and the Baylor Lariat's Will Parchman. However, 3 INTs does not a conference win make. Yes, his leadership skills were superior to Szyzzle's, but what does it matter? Do your really want to line up your turds and see which is shiniest? Neither dudes are turds per se, but with the system, coaching and talent we have, a conference win before GuyMo is executed, er, terminated, would be a damn miracle.

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"Old Man" Machen & Dead Man Walkin'

Instead of speculating endlessly about why we "suck so bad" (overheard at FCS on Saturday), let's try to share some Southern Baptist jokes to lighten things up in Baylordom. Here are our three submissions, taken from the Tidwell Babel Building Big Book of Baptist Jokes. Please leave your best Baptist joke(s) in the comments section.

Baptist Joke #1
Q: "Why do you have to take two Baptists with you when you go fishing?"
A: "If you bring only one, he'll drink all your beer."

Baptist Joke #2
Q: "Why don't Baptists make love standing up?"
A: "Because people might think they are dancing."

Baptist Joke #3
Jews don't recognize Jesus, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

Don't forget to tip your waitresses. We'll be here all night. Thank you.


  • Q:"How many baptists does it take to change a lightblb?"

    A: "Change?"

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:55 PM  

  • You might be a Southern Baptist if you think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers.

    By Anonymous Scamp, at 5:39 AM  

  • Good, good. Let's keep 'em comin'!

    By Blogger Senior Editor Red Andrews, at 7:02 AM  

  • Red,

    Congrats to the Bears on a valiant effort. Outmanned, outcoached, outgunned (and I do mean outgunned ... we always pack heat, esp. after curfew) by the Horns. But the Bears did fight hard. Your safety Lake, LB Pawalek, and Gettis are players.

    You give ol' Guy a hard time, but is the B really committed to fighting the good fight to compete in the Big 12? I don't know. It will take more than a fat guy with a "B" burned into his enormous gut.

    Rather, you need some one to bite the heads off of frogs ... some one that will find players with guts.

    Let me think about a Baptist joke ...

    B. Orange

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:44 AM  

  • A man died and went to heaven. He was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter who promptly informed him that the first day of heaven always starts with a guided tour. He said, "It's widely thought to be mere fantasy, but heaven actually does have seven levels. Fortunately, we have an elevator that will help us hit all seven... well, all except the third level. And when we pass it in the elevator, you'll need to be very very quiet. Okay?" The man agreed and the tour began.

    They got in the elevator and went up to the seventh level being sure to be silent as they passed the third level. Starting at the top, they came down through all the various levels seeing sights and wonders that cannot be described. After seeing the fourth level, St. Peter again signaled that the man should be silent as they passed by the third level.

    After seeing levels one and two, St. Peter said to the man, "Well that's heaven! Have a good eternity. Do you have any questions?" The man paused then asked, "Well, just one. Don't get me wrong, heaven is great and it's full of things I know it will take me forever to understand, but could you tell me why we had to be quiet around the third level?" St. Peter grimaced slightly and said, "Well, sure. You see, that's where the Southern Baptists are, and they think they're the only ones here. It's easier to just let them be. It's better for everyone."

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:07 AM  

  • B.Orange:

    Thanks, dude.


    So far, that joke takes the cake. Well done, sir. You may have an unfair advantage, being in seminary and all.


    By Blogger Senior Editor Red Andrews, at 10:31 AM  

  • This isn't a Baptist joke, but I still find it delightful...

    How do you piss off a Unitarian?

    Burn a question mark in his yard.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:21 AM  

  • I thought the "be quiet in heaven" joke was about Church of Christers?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:05 AM  

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