Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Around the Quad: Madness on the Brazos

Today, two news items seem to compound the reputations of Baylor and Waco as truly bizarre. The only way to deal with them is by bringing our readers the real scoop from around the Burelson Quadrangle.

1. Giant 70-foot Statue of a Texas Ranger to be Erected Along I-35. Seriously. The WacoTrib reports that the same sculptor who designed the 70ft statue of Sam Houston on I-45 in Huntsville is going to do Waco a solid and help boost our profile with an enormous cowboy statue where I-35 crosses the Brazos: The Texas Ranger Hall of Fame Museum. This is such an absurd news item that it is beyond comprehension. Wendy brought this to our attention, the Waco City Council approved the idea, and, quite frankly, we can't help but support it 100%. Waco is finally embracing its true nature: the wildest, weirdest city in Texas. Let us celebrate who we are and what we do best: we don't give a damn and we want everything covered in Ranch Dressing. Also, we love big statues, guns and Our Lord. The WacoTrib envisioned what this sight will look like.

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BigTex 2.0: "Justice For All. Except Messicans, of course."

The comments section of the WacoTrib articles as of late, especially the Schunpp scandal and the Texas Ranger Statue, have been hilarious. The only thing comparable is the comment section after Ted Nugents column in the Trib, which bring out some of the highest-minded opinions of our citizenry. Here is a sample reaction to our 70-ft LawMan:

By anon
Oct 17, 2007 12:10 PM

Oh. My. God. The whole thing is so ridiculous, it's like something The Onion would have thought up. So when exactly do we get to officially insert the "k" into "Waco"? Because, trust me, that's definitely what a giant Texas Ranger statue says. Maybe next we could go for the biggest ball of twine or make the biggest peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Shoot for the stars Wacko!

By cruz
Oct 17, 2007 1:44 PM
I'm all for getting people to spend money in Waco. A towering statue of a Texas Ranger isn't going to get it done. How about building some new restaurants and clubs along the banks of the Brazos River so people who live here can spend their money here instead of going to Dallas and Austin for concerts and shows. Maybe the Texas Ranger Nightclub would be a more profitable investment. You have to give potential tourists more of a reason to pull over than parking in the shade of "Central Texas's Largest Bird Poop Covered Landmark".

By Wow....
Oct 15, 2007 5:46 PM
I agree with all the negative comments....a 70 ft $800,000 statue is ridiculous!!!! Do you honestly think that would do anything for Waco. Boo this idea! Boo! Boo! This is the stupidest idea, even more idiotic than the Waco We Do thing...are there no truly creative people in Waco...???

2. The 5-Ring QB Circus Is Back in Town. Blyzzle Szyzzle suffered a mild concussion in the game against Kansas (if you can actually call that a game), giving GuyMo good reason to open up his 5-Ring QB circus that was so popular over the summer. If you will remember clearly, the featured attractions are a 27-year old grown man who has played pro baseball, a JuCo transfer with arms of steel and a felonious last name, a singer-songwriter whose file photo suggests he loves cocaine and hittin' the clubs, and a sweet youngster who is enjoying his experience as a freshman. Its been way too long since we've been able to speculate about who will be the starting QB against Texas. Which of these five guys (if you include Blyzzle, who is a maybe for the game) will get the opportunity to get blown out by Texas? Should BearMeat resurrect its John David Weed campaign, or is that played out now? Please, instruct us on how we should deal with the resumption of second-guessing GuyMo's drawn-out QB decision making. Don't worry about responding hastily, we're sure the decision won't be made until 5 min before kickoff.

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Behold, A Leader of Men

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  • Question: who do we need to do around here to get it through Baylor's head that we need to seriously restructure our football team or disband football and disburse the money and scholarships to Baylor's equestrian team and table tennis. I believe they have more fans than football. I was a student for 5 years and still a fan after 10 years. I suggested to Baylor that they should tear down moody and all those other crap buildings on the fountain mall, build a stadium there and bring Floyd to baylor. I havent heard a response yet. I need a reason to live G damnit.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:16 PM  

  • Wait, wait, wait, we're building a giant 75-foot statue of someone in Waco, and it's NOT Mike Singletary? I smell an elaborate practical joke afoot.

    By Blogger Curtis, at 8:22 PM  

  • That is exactly what I want to see! Picture come over the hill of I-35 southbound like Pat Green says and just when you are about to see the glorious Oxford on the Brazos to your left an enormous red neck dressed as a white statue with a Remington welcomes you! Can he also spit tobacco like rain for added effect?
    Ass&Mule will love this. They will finally have the upper hand...

    By Anonymous henry craig, at 9:39 PM  

  • I just hope they learned a lesson from the 70-ft. Sam Houston. When they put that one together they left the head for last and a thunderstorm came through before they could attach it. It filled up Sam's legs forcing them to cut a hole in the back of his boot to let it drain before attaching the head. Any chance the small statue of Grant at the stadium will get king-sized to match the Ranger?

    By Anonymous BigFerg, at 9:27 AM  










    By Anonymous Poopsandwich, at 9:34 PM  

  • it was supposed to be a 44-foot statue, was completely privately funded and the only reason it needed city council approval is because it is on city property. It wouldn't have been any taller than the trees around the building. But, when the Trib doesn't want it, Waco doesn't get it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:42 AM  

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