Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Bear vs. Soldier: The Plague of Dead Pigs

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Dead Pig Found in FIJI Sand Volleyball Court - Seriously

Nothing could be more ominous before the Battle of the Brazos against Ass & Mule than numerous dead pigs showing up on student's doorsteps around campus. [Lariat Link] Even more ominious is that a dead pig was also found laying at the feet of the Rufus Burleson statue. Was this an Aggie prank directed at BearMeat? The Lariat reporter tasked with reporting on this seemed to have interviewed perhaps the most oblivious white girls on Baylor campus, and I quote:

Senior Katie M. found a large black pig bleeding on her front porch when she came home around 2:30 a.m. Wednesday. She called her roommate inside the house, telling her to come out to the porch. McKinnon explained to her roommate, "A hog. Oink-oink. Pumba is laying in our front yard." Katie M. called 911 immediately. "The emergency guys were laughing at me saying, 'There's a dead hog on your porch? Is this a joke?'" Katie M. said she believed that police could have been more sensitive and helpful. "They didn't really want to help me figure out who did it in the first place. They didn't take the initiative. They spent more time laughing at me and my response to it than really helping the situation," said Katie M.

First off, does a dead pig with a bullet in its head merit dialing 9-1-1? Isn't that line for living human emergencies? I wouldn't be surprised if the EMTs and police dispatched on the living human emergency phone line were a bit amused to find a dead pig and a concerned Baylor girl. I guess she expected funeral-like somber tones for her doorstep pig tragedy. Why was she getting home at 2:30am? That is suspiciously right after closing time in Waco bars.

Secondly, the Lariat reporter twice refers to the Burleson statue as the "Judge Burleson statue." Rufus wore many hats, but he never served in the judiciary. A little fact-checking would help with the credibility of your reporting from time-to-time.

Thirdly, what does all this portend for the Aggie game? We humbly ask our readers to explain the Biblical significance of a plague of dead pigs. Are we supposed to be "letting my people go"? Who are the capitves? Fran? GuyMo?

Labels:

12 Comments:

  • I see from the above that BUMaruski has finally located this blog and taken advantage of its lack of a word limit on inane drivel.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:29 PM  

  • Hey, even when you're falling down drunk you can remember the numbers 911, so don't get too harsh, man.

    Who is going to defend those pigs, dammit! That's what I want to know!

    You know there's some pig shit DNA somewhere in somebody's car, start looking! This is serious!

    People who kill pigs on campus will sooner or later start looking for lawyers!

    By Anonymous corn blight, at 2:12 PM  

  • Alternate Lariat headline:"Three Little Pigs Found Dead on Baylor Campus - Big Bad Wolf Sought for Questioning"

    By Anonymous Blake, at 2:52 PM  

  • One of my favorite things at Baylor was watching poor defenseless Chi Os and Tri Delts being chased -- screeching all the while -- up and down the stairs in the Moody Library atriums by migratory Mexican free-tailed bats, with pimply biology students wielding huge nets trailing right behind them. With that experience in mind, I don't underestimate the ability of Baylor sorority girls to freak out over dead pigs on their front porches.

    Just like the Agriculturalists to waste perfectly good barbecue like that.

    By Blogger Curtis, at 3:30 PM  

  • Biblical attitudes towards swine vary little throughout Scripture. They are universally regarded as unclean and defiled. Although it is tempting to examine Old Testament prohibitions on "cloven-hoof beasts," a more pertinent biblical examination might be done in the story of the Gadarene demoniac. (Mark 5:1-20)

    In this story a collective demon who identifies himself as "Legion" has possessed a man. When Jesus confronts the demon, the demon requests permission to enter a herd of swine rather than face direct confrontation with Christ. Jesus assents, the demon enters the pigs, and the pigs charge off a cliff to their death.

    There are a few interesting things here: first is that Gadara, the city in which the story takes place, was a Hellenized city whose inhabitants would not have taken the same offense as the Jewish hearers of the story would to the presence of a herd of pigs. Second is the rather complicated concept of a collective demon; that is a single evil entity that manifests itself in plurality.

    I therefore submit that the presence of dead pigs on Baylor's campus holds the following significance: Firstly, that the vile Aggies who brought the plague of pigs could never fully understand the offense they give. When you're a dirty Ag, the idea of a swarthy, filthy, poop-eating, mud-caked, smelly, foul, fat, greasy beast seems like either family or a hot date. But we of the B are rightly repelled.

    Secondly, like the Gadarene demon, what other entity do we know that manifests its one giant evil self in the form of a multitude of lemming-like disgusting creatures? That's right: A&M itself.

    The message is clear: The dropping of dead pigs is a psycho-physical manifestation of the Ags own self-awareness of their demonic roots. We shouldn't be too angry with them; they are likely barely even conscious of their actions. We should, however, push them off a cliff.

    By Blogger The Cachinnator, at 4:14 PM  

  • Cachinnator,

    Your analysis is much more analytical (and better spelled) than the earlier long,winded rant (since deleted) that didn't even acknowledge the porcine predicament, let alone its meaning. It made less sense than the Unabomber's Manifesto which oddly at times even occasionally included a rare truth or two.

    Frantastic assessment!

    Pea Weevil

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:34 PM  

  • Cach:

    That was awesome. You are truly into scriptural exigesis (sp?) and have wielded your powers for good.

    Pea Weevil,

    Sorry for deleting your "copy & paste" tome. In the interests of readability, next time would you limit your citation to a passage or two? Thanks,

    Red

    By Blogger Senior Editor Red Andrews, at 7:44 PM  

  • Pres Red,

    That wasn't my long winded "copy & paste" tome. I figured the source of that complete nonsense was the poster from over at TurdPolishers.Com that goes by the name of BUMaruski. I fully concur that if one can't get to a point in a paragraph or two, one needs to go back and rethink the thought they were trying to convey.

    Pea Weevil

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:03 PM  

  • Red,

    I did not see a quick email contact for you. This has nothing to do with this present thread, but everything you want to jump on top of.

    VP for Marketing John Barry, is holding "listening" sessions in an attempt to get enough people to agree (1) we need new "branding" emblems (trade talk for logo).

    YES the rumor is true, there is moement to termintate the locking BU, along with other favorits such as Sailor Bear, and replace the with a new logo made up by a consulting firm from upper midwest with no real connection to BU.

    This has trivial pursuit written all over it; while the university is gasping for financial air, we go and hire one more consultant firm to tell us what we need when the firm only knows of BU what they have read in their limited research.

    This needs bringing to thelight of day lest we repeat the Stanton/fuzzy bear carnage all over again.

    Just a heads up taht you might want to look into.

    ss

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:29 PM  

  • outrage! insane! blasphemy!

    no one will do away with the interlocking BU. these rumors have been circulating since my undergrad years (01-05). sailor bear will live forever.

    this is no doubt further working of the agriculturalists or the demons that plague them.

    "she's a witch! burn her!"

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:34 PM  

  • Some idiot tried to tell me there was recently a meeting to discuss changing not only our logos, but also our school colors. Gotta love those who actually believe rumors like that.

    By Anonymous wap, at 12:25 AM  

  • i think this article deserves a "white women" tag

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:57 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home