Monday, July 23, 2007

Year in Review: Meaty Blogging on the Brazos

In July 2006 a secretive meeting of crusty, old Baylor tailgaters with vivid memories of the Teaff era convened on the banks of the Brazos to summon the spirits of Baylor past to do something about the state of affairs of Baylor Athletics. The primary concern was The B's record against Texas Ass & Mule in football - it was dismal. To restore the lifeblood back to the rivalry with the Agriculturalists, these half-drunk fans lit an enormous fire and began to incant in Latin and poured out ritual libations of Pearl Light and Rebel Yell Kentucky bourbon. After much screaming at the heavens and cursing the names of Robert Sloan, Jr., Kevin Steele, and Dave Bliss, three ghosts appeared in the fire (much like the Transfiguration) and walked out of the flames and among the revelers.

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Gov. Pat Strikes a Pose

"Fear not, for we have come not to destroy the law, but to fulfill it," said the ghost of Governor Pat.

"Indeed, we will watch over our school and city to ensure that the noble days of the past shall return again. We must restore honor to my name," urged the ghost of The Good Judge.

"We shall take up residence in the Amicable Building, or the ALICO as it is known today, and we only ask for a few interns to assist us with the day-to-day operations of our charge. That and a lifetime supply of bourbon," demanded the ghost of the Old President.

From that day forward, the three ghosts (the BearMeat Editorial Board) set forth to publish their journal of opinion, or blog, as the interns refer to it, on the state of affairs at Texas' Oldest University. The journal was given the title "BearMeat," which is how opponents regarded The B in the first decade of Big12 play. What follows is a summary of the highlights of this endeavor, charted month-by-month.

July 2006

BearMeat began on a very philosophical and high-minded ethical note. The first post, the Declaration of Principles, announced the Editorial Board's intentions and standards. While the Good Judge opined on the meaning of the Tidwell Babel Building's arrested development, digital ink was spilled over Mulk saving The B from the moral quagmire of the Bliss Era, and much was made of GuyMo changing the culture after Kevin Steele.

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First Day at the ALICO: Gov. Pat, Red, The Judge

August 2006

August began with a bit more exploration into the Meaning of Mulk, a further analysis of the cost-benefit of the Bliss Era, our 2006 College Football Season Preview, and the epic 18-post season opener preview, FrogMeat, which included Gov. Pat's hilarious comparison of the Old SWC Schools to Goonie's characters. Gold. Also, a truly awesome fan emerges on Youtube, Trent Shelton's dad, George Shelton. The Judge delves into the archives to discover how Baylor got into the Big12.

Shelton: Bringing the Noise, Bringing the Funk

September 2006

The non-conference schedule was full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. A dismal 1-3 record left the BearMeat Editorial Board pining for other topics, like the decline of the women's soccer program after Tom Stanton wouldn't pay the coach what the market would bear, or launching and abandoning the dark horse Heisman bid of Shawn Bell. The Governor was hard at work, letting the creative juices flow with his break down of GuyMo's "CareBear" System, and a humorous romp comparing West Point to The B. Finally, the editors say a sad farewell to Baylor's beloved Governor, Ann Richards.

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GuyMo = Tenderheart

October 2006

Hands down, the most creative month of the year. Playing UT and A&M worked the Editors up into a blogging frenzy. Texas ShortHorn Playing Cards were introduced, the Good Judge went undercover into DKR/Memorial to report on the bizarre customs of our neighbors to the south, Prez Andrews renegs on his abandoning of Shawn Bell's darkhorse Heisman bid after an emotional Homecoming win over KU, and the Good Judge introduces the BearBacker into the lexicon. Then, in gearing up for the Ass & Mule game, the Governor drops Aggie Pail Kids, which changed the way Agrics looked at themselves, and the Good Judge pens BearMeat's most influential post: A&M = North Korea. This brings the heat from the Ags, who had to have someone read the post to them and translate it into Redneck to understand it. The Judge hooks up with an Amazon LadyAg and Shawn Bell's career-ending injury is lamented. Finally, an argument is put forth for the century-old rivalry between The B and Ass & Mule.

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BearMeat: The Civilized Art of Satire

November 2006

Bell's injury and the Bears' subsequent decline into the perennial doormat quickly deflated the Editorial Board's bowl hopes for the season. The Governor spoofed the TX Technical's "Get yer Guns Up", but BearMeat's coverage of the final two games of the football season proved too difficult a task after watching the Red Raiders decimate the Bears. Thoughts turned quickly to basketball, as the Prez presented a loving photo montage of Mulk, the Good Judge began an extensive process of giving nicknames to the freshman LadyBears and Gentleman Bears. The BearMeat Football Postseason Awards Banquet was a rowdy affair. Finally, the Prez mocks the Ags for having the 12th Man on the field at an inopportune time and the ShortHorns for Jevan Snead's uncanny resemblance to Major Applewhite.

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Mulk: A Vision in Baby Blue

December 2006

By far BearMeat's laziest month, as the general malaise of the football season caused a severe blog hangover at the ALICO which lasted nearly a month. Things got so bad, that BearMeat was bought out by the Republic of Angola, which caused a bit of a stir until Bernard Rappoport bought out the Angolans to become the 51% shareholder. The Judge summed up despair around the ALICO by reporting on the G. K. Kinne fiasco.

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The Angolan Shareholders Were Fiscal Conservatives

January 2007

The new year started with bad news: Local boy and warrior-poet, George Dubya Bush, chose SMU over Baylor for the site of his Presidential Library. This caused the editors to doubt his wisdom and judgment. Scott Drew defeats Bobby Knight at the Will Ferrell Center, BearMeat woos Kim Mulkey after learning of her divorce. Oklahoma is denigrated for being so . . . weird. Mid-Season Report Cards are mailed to Ian McCaw for the LadyBears and ManBears. The Judge looks at Baylor athletics and suffering through the prism of C.S. Lewis. CrossCyed (now Clone Chronicles) interviews the BearMeat Editorial Board. BearMeat makes the case for Singletary as coach of the Cowboys. BearMeat unveils its collection of head coach heads.

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Okies: An Incomprehensible People

February 2007

A very productive month. Perhaps bullet points would best help readers deal with this month.

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You Gotta Believe: That's for damn sure

March 2007

Landmark month for the blog - very creative and quite productive. Since the posts are all over the place, bullet point format is most likely the best format for this:



Aggies: Rushing the Empty Floor


April 2007

A lackluster month of withdrawal after a disappointing basketball season. Exploring the meaning of OSU vs Florida, Scott Drew - staying put amid many high-profile coaching changes, catching up with Kevin Steele, and Mulk signs a $1 mil/year deal while Gillispie abandons the Corps.

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BCG: "Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money."

May 2007

A true Baylor and Waco potpouri month, as BearMeat looked at Sloan & Giuliani's pro-choice initiatives, called Dallas Choke City, was interviewed on EDSBS Live (internet radio) by EDSBS's Orson Swindle and BON's Peter Bean, introduced Bear Libations, alcoholic drinks for fans of The B, said goodbye to Herb Reynolds, and made the acquaintance of Leighton Radtke thanks to Youtube (sadly the videos were taken down).

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Sloan & Giuliani: Quid Pro Quo

June 2007

Started out with a bang, or should I say bomb? Dave Cunningham, former rugby, track & cross country athlete, threatens to blow up Baylor. University High Prom is truly Wacofabulous. Sironia, Texas = literary/universal Waco. Ted Nugent enhanced the public discourse in Waco. Mulk recruits girl who can dunk. Olympic Gold Medalist Jeremy Wariner, slingin' 3-stripe sneakers. Baylor fan streaks the Ass & Mule baseball game, holding up the score of the 2004 Miracle on the Brazos. BearMeat's ideal gameday at Floyd Casey. BearMeat discovers that Angela from The Office (US) was a Baylor grad! The BearBacker Voices Summer Lecture Series is a wild success, thanks to our devoted readers/associate editors. And finally, the Immortal 10 Statue is installed on campus.



Only Took 80 Years

July 2007

This month has also been full of wonderful BearMeat goodness. To explain, the trusty bullet points will be employed.



chum's BearMeat masterpiece

There you have it. The 2006-2007 BearMeat Year in Review.

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2 Comments:

  • Congratulations to you ghosts of our beloved Presidents. May your blog outlive Scott Drew's 45 year rebuilding plan.

    By Blogger BDP, at 3:02 PM  

  • BDP:

    We couldn't have done it without you, my friend. A salute to the ShortHorn who bleeds Green & Gold!

    Hopefully this blog will outlast Drew,

    Red

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 3:14 PM  

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