Thursday, July 26, 2007

J.D. Weed: The Governor Requests the Pleasure of Your Company

While enjoying a fresh Baconator from Wendy's, I happened to stumble upon a tiny electronic article originating from that wondrous Mecca of Metalheads, San Antonio. At first I groaned. The title of said article: Big 12: Bowl or Bust for Baylor. My reaction was nonplussed. "Bowl? As in...Bowl Game??" I questioned out loud whilst motioning for my Intern, Michelle Kwan's step-sister. "Fetch me a ketchup packet, Kwany."

But I kept reading. The first quote from GuyMo made me choke on my fourth strip of bacon.

I believe our kids believe they can win

What the fuck? Is he auditioning for the lead role in Andrew Lloyd Weber's new musical, Flowers for Algernon Gonzales? I believe this double patty, double cheese, six bacon burger will cleanse my colon if the burger believes it can do the same. Note to self: have same talk with fifth of whiskey in 10 minutes.

So I started speed reading through the article. For me that means looking for pictures, bold letters, and names of celebrities. Quarterback Shuffle? Hello, Mr. Weed, it is a true pleasure to make your aquaintance.

Transfer Michael Machen has impressed coaches with his ability and attitude, but John David Weed has climbed the ladder during the summer.

"He has closed the gap," Morriss said of Weed. "He's spent a lot of time in the film room. He's more familiar with the system."

Images float through my head. The film room: 47" flat screen LCDs, Corinthian leather couch, soft leopard print throw pillows, nag champa incense wafting in the air, bag of Cheetos, a fat doobie, J.D. Weed's strong yet supple hand caressing the remote control, Baylor's new $34 million on-campus football complex. Ahhh, finally, I can rest at ease knowing that John David Weed's work rate is as strong and fruitful as our grassroot efforts to teach the masses of this Central Texas Dalai Lama. Go get 'em, Weed.

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John David Weed: The Beginnings

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  • I hereby nominate that last image for a Meaty Award.

    JD Weed por vida!

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 9:38 AM  

  • Wash Pat Neffistopheles's mouth out with lye soap. It is spelled "Webber" not "Weber." I also think there is another literary no-no in the item, too.

    By Anonymous Loomisboy, Homeless Son of Samuel Brooks, at 9:58 AM  

  • Hah! He needs it. The Governor's time at sea has done horrors for his speech, which makes most sailors blush. Plus he has an old vendetta against Andrew Lloyd (also stemming from his sea voyage), which is why he has consciously misspelled his name.

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 10:02 AM  

  • Well, I'm just glad I'm not an editor. It must wreak havoc on one's OCD.

    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 10:09 AM  

  • Oh wait. There's that editorial board thing I grace with my presence.

    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 10:16 AM  

  • I second the nomination for a Meaty. That image is hilarious. I think you need to come up with something around the BU logo, superimposed with a leaf of hemp.

    By Blogger HeadThief, at 6:18 PM  

  • True dat, HeadThief. Perhaps you could create such an image for us?

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 7:07 PM  

  • I will have my Senior Photographer work on that. While searching for the appropriate images, I was able to find a tasty morsel that got the old brain to working.

    By Blogger HeadThief, at 9:19 PM  

  • HT:

    Great article.

    I hope you received the cash we sent you for covering Baylor.

    Gracias, amigo!


    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 9:36 PM  

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