Sunday, July 29, 2007

Around the Quad: July 29, 2007

The BearMeat Editorial Board is an august group. We have gravitas in spades. Were Dick Cheney to join our sacred board, it would be obvious that he would be fetching the whiskey and deli meats for the grown ups in the room, while wearing an apron. Yeah, we're that badass. So it is on a lazy Sunday such as this one where we cannot be bothered with the BearMeat Journal and must delegate our responsibilities to interns and other lesser beings. What follows is a composite news sketch from around the Burleson Quadrangle, assembled by a a few of our underlings. Enjoy! - Eds.

1. Baylor Forced by Judge to Reveal its Bush Library Plans. Thanks to a lawsuit between a lawyer/condo owner and SMU, Baylor is being compelled to reveal its Bush Library plans to the court. This is a very sensitive matter as SMU and Bush haven't technically sealed the deal yet and Baylor is hoping against hope that Dubya might just change his mind and remember that Dallas is full of gays and lesbians who are out of the closet (Mary Cheney style) and looking for a presidential library to meet for dates and kitchy Early 2000s nostalgia. Right now, we imagine that John Lilley is pacing back and forth in Pat Neff Hall, worried that the proposed George Dubya Bush Compassionate Conservative Water Park plans might give SMU some ideas for their negotiations with Karl Rove.

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Bush Library & Water Park: Mission Accomplished

Furthermore, Lilley has gotta be sweating the proposed Noah's Ark-shaped library plans, which were a marvel of modern architectural design and an elaborate tribute to Bush's effective response to Hurricane Katrina. Plus, if the Brazos continues to rise, the Ark-shaped Library can literally float down to College Station to hang out with his dad's library at Texas Ass & Mule. Its design was proposed by Evangelical-Catholic scholar St. Francis of the Bosque, who, like Paul on the road to Damascus, was struck by the Biblical resonance of Bush's policies when watching FoxNews' coverage of Hurricane Katrina.

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St. Francis's Bush Library Design

2. Aggie Cubicle Mate's Prized A&M Football Placed in Jello! In the spirit of NBC's The Office, it appears that some cubicle denizens have played a great joke on an Aggie co-worker by putting his collectible Aggie Football in Jello, which is what happened to Dwight Shrute's stapler in The Office. Since Baylor is the alma mater of Angela from the Office, we thought this was relevant in many ways. Its worth watching till the end for a good laugh.

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