Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Around the Quad: FrogTags by GuyMo

Dearest BearMeat Readers, Editors, Interns and Illegal Day Laborers,

Today we shall resurrect Around the Quad from its dusty slumber to bring you the news you need to get you through the day. Whether you share a cubicle with a horny Aggie or a pretentious ShortHorn, we aim to make your day more bearable (pardon the pun). Many readers have expressed their dissatisfaction with our summer productivity levels, especially after contributing substantial funding in response to our annual summer pledge drive. To those who contributed funds, we sincerely apologize, but this past season has left us feeling rather distraught. Contributing to this melancholy was our extensive bets placed to an anonymous NFL Quarterback on our prize dog, BadNewz, that were not returned to us after the match was cancelled due to legal issues. However, we will soon finish up the BearBacker Voices Summer Lecture Series, celebrate our One Year Anniversary by recaping the past year, and begin our ambitious season preview. Don't dismay, there is much BearMeat to come. With that, we present news from around the Burleson Quadrangle.

Sincerely,

Red Andrews
Senior Editor, These Here BearMeats

1. Baylor Wortham, Assistant D.A., Jefferson County. (J.D. 2005; B.S. 2003) Baylor Wortham is an alumni named after our school. If that isn't cool enough, his myspace profile has great photos of the infamous Baylor Playboy shoot (the tasteful, clothed photos - we wouldn't want to get ol' Baylor in any trouble with the Beaumont D.A.). To save you time, we'll post one here. Thanks, Baylor!

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"Sic 'Em, Disciplinary Sanctions!"

2. Joe Heaps Nelson. Official BearMeat Artist-in-Digital-Residence. Joe Heaps Nelson's obsession with American cheerleaders is basically what we're all about here at BearMeat. His work is so deliciously subversive that we couldn't resist linking here to a sample gallery of his work. His collection includes paintings of Bear Bryant, Iowa State cheerleaders (are you listening, Clone Chronicles?) and many other gems. Below is perhaps the crown jewel of the collection, titled "Hooray for Agriculture!" Perhaps a BearMeat reader with plenty o' discretionary cash could commission a painting of either 1) Kim Mulkey at the 2005 Championship Game; 2) The Baylor Cheerleaders; or 3) Dave Bliss (as sort of the MacBeth of our school - too dark?). Any suggestions for iconic Baylor subjects to submit to Mr. Nelson would be much appreciated.

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Nothing Says Fertility Like Cheerleaders and Farm Products

3. GuyMo Makes FrogTags. According to our people at the Dallas Morning News, GuyMo (TCU alum, '73) has made 100 dog tags that simply say "Baylor vs. TCU, Sept. 1, 2007, Beat the Frogs." The tags will henceforth be known as "FrogTags." The story, linked here, reports on GuyMo's subtle motivational techniques. Enjoy the link to an actual news site! Quoth GuyMo: "I told them [the players], 'Look at 'em when you go to bed at night, and look at 'em when your feet hit the floor in the morning. Just stay focused, that's all." Also, did you notice this little tidbit?

They proved so popular with the players that Morriss had to order 80 more. Dozens of Bears wore the tags during a team-building exercise Tuesday in which they pulled an 18-wheeler through the Floyd Casey Stadium parking lot.


Really? Pulling an 18-wheeler through the parking lot is gonna help us beat UT, A&M, and OU, let alone TCU? How about expending some energy on getting some good recruits instead of requisitioning an 18-wheeler? Or maybe I'm being too harsh. Sounds like they had fun, which seems to be the goal of football at the B. [Also, Corn Nation ranked GuyMo the 6th most likely Big12 coach to be fired this year. Wow! Only half way down the list? Our expectations are really low.]

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This is How Baylor Gets To A Bowl Game

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2 Comments:

  • What Red, no mention of me behind the wheel? Do you realize how difficult it is to sneak an 18 wheeler filled to the brim with Grade-A, Mexican Dr. Pepper through customs in Laredo is? Now that I think of it, you probably do, since you were briefly the mayor of Nuevo Laredo last year.

    By Blogger Judge Baylor, at 10:35 PM  

  • Your driving of that truck was nothing short of heroic. The Mexican Dr Pepper and the Mexicans that we had in that truck largely survived the voyage thanks to your efforts.

    Viva Nuevo Laredo: Where Cultures Collide! (my proposed slogan which the city council rejected)

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 6:15 AM  

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