Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Nuge: Armed to the Teeth and High as Hell

Dear Readers,

It has come to my attention that gun rights advocate and rock-and-roller Theodore Nugent has been given a column in the Waco Trib. While we would normally applaud giving a recent resident with mental problems a forum to discuss the nuances of his views, we must withhold our judgment in this case.

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The Nuge: A Reasonable Voice in the Gun Control Debate

Recently, the Nuge's column has shown much restraint in his impassioned advocacy for gun rights. His piece on assault weapons stopped short of pursuing the logic to its natural progression: the right to own artillery weapons. Here is a sample of his cowardly reasoning from his column titled "Assault Weapons? The bigger the better":

My idea of "gun control" is putting as many bullets as I can into the same hole. These guns are owned legally in most states, and by more than a half million American families without a hitch. The lies about scary guns couldn't be more intentionally deceptive and more regularly is reported by the media. The number of injuries and deaths each week during machine-gun fun by all of us? None. Zero, zilch, nada. Go figure. All I know is that when it comes time to have one hell of a fun, laugh-infested Uncle Ted Texas family BBQ party, heroes of law enforcement and military join us for some challenging machine-gun competition.

Really, Ted? Is that all you want to be legal? Machine Guns? Come on. In today's War on Terror, every red-blooded, Bible-believing American family needs the right to artillery weapons. Good thing I took Ted to task in the comments section:

Is anyone else worried that Ted isn't vigorous enough in his advocacy for an armed citizenry? Machine guns are fine, but there may come a time when small artillery is needed to do the job. In fact, denying American families their right to the weapons of war just because Senator Kennedy hates the Constitution is downright apalling. I call on Ted to take a more aggressive stance against gun control; Americans want and need artillery weapons to defend home and family. This is precisely why my home is guarded with 20 Howitzers. Can "soft on artillery" Nugent say the same? Doubtful. Let's stop accepting piece-meal concessions from the Left on gun control and work towards arming each family like a small military unit. God Bless America!

Red Andrews
Veteran of Foreign Wars, just like Honorary Soldier Ted

My response in turn prompted a rather insightful comment from another Trib reader going by the name Phillip: "This is starting to sound like Soldier of Fortune magazine. Is this the mercenary section of the Waco Tribune?"

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Michigan Boy Nugent Showing His Rebel Pride

Right you are, sir. For the inhabitants of this great city are nothing if not mercernaries ready for the right price. Sadly, the low price of serving in the military is not worth it for most of us, however, serving for Halliburton or Blackwater may be closer to our asking price.

Sic 'em!



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