Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Around the Rod: My Departed Coach is Better than Yours

[I think this is how President Andrews does this. Brackets with an italics format. Is this right Judge? Hey Judge! Is this the right brackets? Judge! Dammit...where the eff is the President when you need something done? I honestly don't understand this. I am just the Emperor Editor of this simple blog...BearMeat.

Is that right? BearMeat? Judge! Who the eff named this freaking blog BearMeat?!? It screams homoeroticism! Where the hell is the President??

Aww, Judge, we are screwed. Our overhead is way too high right now for the President to take that red-headed intern to Wichita. I wake up and our billable hours are fleeting away along with my palm leaves and medjool dates. I can't have my strong armed women waving pecan leaves, Judge! I don't get fed native sweets, Judge!

Gawd Bless! I hate working on this BearTrap!

Ok...here's some news? Judge! Why does President Andrews call it "Around the Rod?" What's the deal with his blatant sexual slant? Freakin' liberal!!]

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1. Drew is still our coach! Although you may have heard differently from the pundits over at TurdPolishers.com, Scott "Ellis Island" Drew is still the second highest paid basketball coach at the B. And honestly...the Quartermaster over at Marrs McLean Gym probably should make a little more than Drew. But I got to hand it to Drew. He could probably recruit my foreskin to become a moderator at TurdPolishers.com.

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Coach Drew's recruiting and defensive tactics all wrapped up in one tidy photo.

2. Meanwhile...the Big XII just got easier! Lots of people leaving our fair conference. BCG is out to take his Agric grazing on some bluegrass. The Jayhawk's Julian Wright looks to follow in the steps of Scott Pollard by promoting drug awareness, money and children. Just a simple day in the life of the Association. Maybe KU can double the pot by throwing in Brandon Rush. Huggins is out...hopefully the All-American K-State Kidz can take a sabbatical and then a Sebastian Telfair route out of Little Manhattan.

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3. Meanwhile...the Big XII just got a lot easier!!! Moscow's own Kevin "El Salvador" "Durex" "Marigold" "The Godzilla of Scrilla" Durant is bound for glory. At least that's what my sources say. No, really, I just wanted to say that I have sources. The fate of Communism shall be known at 4pm today. May he buy all the candy in the world now. Really, what's up with this kid? He's going to be in the NBA! Those groupies will eat him up. He'll have three to four children before next years All-Star break!

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Mark my words: "Durex" Durant in 2 months time.

4. Meanwhile...the Big XII just got a whole lot more sober! With Huggins and BCG gone, and last years departure of the elder Sutton, we've lost our hardest drinking coaches. Oh wait. We still got Bobby "Rudolph" Knight. I miss the days of Larry Eustachy.

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Introducing your AP National Coach of the Year for 2000!

5. Texas weather sucks! Yeah, I am pretty sure the whole nation experienced this, save the beautiful places where the beautiful people live, but the weather made things difficult for the B this past weekend. From the Texas Relays to Softball to Golf to Equestrian...oh wait, sorry. I am boring you. Right?

Sic 'em.

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  • Excellent job, Imperial Editor and Governor-for-Life Pat, except I must take issue with your liberal interpretation of my beloved italics and brackets. For shame.

    Wichita is cold as a witch's tit right now and I long for the snowy fields of April in Waco. Say a prayer for old Red,


    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 6:01 PM  

  • We need a new, young drunk to take the reins of a Big 12 team. I miss the good old days when you couldn't find a sober basketball coach in the state of Texas.

    By Blogger Judge Baylor, at 10:51 PM  

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