Saturday, March 17, 2007

MocMeat: Whoa, that Bird's no Lady!

Ok we are going to study this carefully now. UT Chattanooga has opened up it's vault to the world of the NCAA Women's Championships, and I just can't believe a school of higher education would use such a blatant image to convey it's message to the world. What say you this image is? Let us study this thoroughly.

A) Is the Moc logo a tribute to the late and great Gentleman Donald Duck?

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No. Although the two have a penchant for navigating various transports known only to human laborers of extensive training and learning, "Scrappy" the Moc and Gentleman Duck have never crossed paths along the famed American railways. However, stories still swirl amid the treacherous internet that these two fowls shared a similar lover during their early days at the Tuscon Waterfowl School of Engineering. Her name was Mariah. She smelled of dulce de leche.

B) Does the Moc have the attitude, gumption and dialect of a certain Heckle and Jeckle?

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No...I imagine "Scrappy" to be quite a slow talker with an Appalachian drawl. These two magpie "friends(?)" are fast talkers and have even faster minds. While the Siamese Magpies are smooth talking plump Rock Doves into bed, I'm sure "Scrappy" still uses his spare stash of crank on the birds that frequent most train stops. "Scrappy" does not dare to drive less than 55.

C) Does this bird just suffer from intolerable road rage?

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"Scrappy" might look like he is about to swing his feathery little wing at an unsuspecting motorist; however, I'm sure he is far too focused on the task at hand: drinking a jug of sweet, sweet Tennessee moonshine and staying on the tracks. Very similar to Eddie Sutton's last ride on the streets of Stillwater.

D) Is this bird horny and ready to pounce?

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Ding, ding, ding! We got a winner! "Scrappy" drives no train. This train drives "Scrappy." Like a speeding bullet through the rough wilderness of the Tennessee flatlands, "Scrappy" the Moc cruises the streets of Chattanooga in his chrome whip throbbing to the beats of Nas. This bird is one step away from a Coors Light commercial with scantily clad white women, steaming hot tubs and a right-wing agenda. Are we sure this is not a Texas school?

In conclusion, I like "Scrappy." I think I could go far if I combined the inflatable ingenuity of Judge and the rock hard ride of "Scrappy." Am I mocking the Moc? Lord, no. Do I hate UT Chattanooga? Yes. They gave the world Terrell Owens. Will the LadyBears win? I think I would have written something analytical if I had any doubts. Does BearMeat's very own Judge Baylor and President Andrews share a bunk bed? Yes...but her name tag says "Intern Sally."

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Who hurts the most from their fighting: "Intern Sally" or "Punchy" the dog?

So many questions. Very little to logically answer. Sic 'em, LadyBears.

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  • Attention, Bear Meat: Mulk doesn't mock the Mocs!

    Email from very distant cousin Kim on the Lady Mocs....

    I emailed her asking her to go easy on our Lady Mocs, her response:

    "Your Mocs are very good. I hope they take it easy on us."

    By Anonymous Scamp, at 6:29 AM  

  • I believe the Mocs have as much a chance against the B, as the interns have of getting course credit for their 40+ hours of work per week at BearMeat. Currently our internship program has only been accredited by the Agrics and an ITT Tech branch in Lubbock.

    By Blogger Judge Baylor, at 10:45 AM  

  • True dat, Good Judge. True dat. Those intern just don't work hard enough for the credit that they expect. Talk about lazy, I saw one of our Filipino interns just yesterday making a personal call during his 10 min lunch break. We'll have to dock him at least two days pay, which comes to $17.50.

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 11:32 AM  

  • Editor-at-Large Scamp:

    Welcome back! Give me an email at to chat.

    Sic 'em,


    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 11:33 AM  

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