Monday, March 05, 2007

Around the Quad: Tourney Time

We are still celebrating the glorious victory over the mighty Pokes of Okla A&M here in the ALICO Building; Scott Drew's name has been praised non-stop. In fact, Drew came by the offices late Saturday night and began showing off some of his free-style hip-hop skills. We were quite impressed, to say the least. Tight flows, witty lyrics, and dude can battle anyone, and I mean anyone! With a rapper-coach extraordinarie at the helm, the Gentlemen Bears are poised to go deep in the Big12 Tourney. Sic 'em! So with that, we present news from around the quad:

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Drew: "I didn't choose rhymin'; rhymin' chose me."

1. Big 12 Tourney Predictions. The LadyBears drew a first-round bye, and play the winner of OSU and Kansas. That game should pose no problems for Mulk & Co., but the next round will be another showdown between Mulk and Coale. Will we see another catfight between these two esteemed coaches, or will the spirit of sportsmanship and fair play dominate? Only time will tell. BU is 0-5 against OU in the Era of Paris, so the LadyBears are definitely due for a breakout game.

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Mulk: The General inspects her troops

The Gentlemen Bears, however, are in a much different position and will face off against Mizzou for a delicious feast of TigerMeat. Our 11th seeded men's squad has something to build on from the triumphant victory over OSU according to our latest polling (margin of error +/- 17%), so look for the trademark 30 Minutes of Hell style to confuse Mizzou with a ridiculous amount of 3-Point FGs attempted and Four Corners offense. Watch for Josh Lomers (hallowed be his name) to continue his dominance on the boards and for Mamadou to utilize his arsenal of low-post moves. Expect Scott Drew to net yet another feather in his cap after this nail-biter. Ian McCaw distributes feathers according to the following scale:

1 Feather = Rebuilding victory (loss by 20+ points)
2 Feathers = Moral victory (loss by 1 to 19 points)
3 Feathers = Actual victory
4 Feathers* = Road victory

[* This is an entirely theoretical scenario.]

2. Alpha Phi Alpha, Tau Alpha chapter, the official fraternity of BearMeat. BearMeat commissioned an independent research group, staffed of former unpaid interns, to inquire as to which frat best represented the ethos of BearMeat. The four finalists were announced at Friday's BearMeat Editorial Board Meeting and much discussion followed. I will try to sum up the deliberations and decisions in as few words as possible and without using the profanity that flew around the room like a swarm of gnats. The four finalists were FIJI, Sig Ep, Sig Tau, and AlphaPhiAlpha. We decided against FIJI, because we already subscribe to the Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue and we already support PFLAG's Waco chapter, so we thought we would be stressing one group over others. We thought long and hard about Sig Ep, since their bid was the most attractive (hot tub parties, white women, and plenty o' free legal counsel), but we already have JaegerBomb Lunches at the office, so we didn't see what they could bring to the table. When SigTau was proposed, we all chuckled a little and reflected on one of their members passing out drunk in a Vegas casino, only to be wheeled out by casino security in a wheelchair and dumped in a gypsy cab, which then took him to the Bunny Ranch. Obviously, they didn't have the high moral character required by Judge Ralph Strother, per his injunction regarding our official frat selection.


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Baylor FIJI: Thugz, Hustlaz, & Gangstaz


However, when it came to Alpha Phi Alpha, it was their illustrious campus involvement that won us over. Let us list a few of their events that endeared the Tau Alpha chapter to our hearts.

Miss Black & Gold. The frat honors a beautiful nubian student for beauty, grace and intelligence annually in this elegant pageant. Respect for the ladies? Check.

Battle of the Burning Sands. This event is so spectacular, words can't describe it. But a photo album does it some justice. This is a step show where students from around the state come and step and rap and just have a good time. If you are unfamiliar with this event, let Youtube help you visualize it.



Badass step show? Check.

Awesome charter line names. Special shoutout here to all the charter line names like The Suns of Rah, Chozen to be Phrozen, and the Ice Cold Evolution.

In short, it was no contest: this was to be our frat. Tau Alpha represent!


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The Judge Inquires: "What does it take to get some gin in here?"

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2 Comments:

  • I think you should have chosen the nu zeta chapter of Phi Beta Sigma.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:39 AM  

  • You mean Zoo Nasty over at UGA? Nah, those dudes are 1) not students at the B; and 2) way too hardcore for us. We like Gentlemen and that's why we are Alpha Phi Alpha for life.

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 11:59 AM  

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