Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Women's Basketball Team Nicknames: Part 2

It was recently pointed out to me by BearMeat's ombudsman, that due to a drunken stupor, lasting from approximately November 13, 2006 to February 20, 2007, I failed to give nicknames to half of the team. I feel shame and regret. I also feel shaky because the ombudsman has cut off my libation petty cash account until I finish this task. To think, I actually took the time to go through our entire men's team, whose play so far has most closely resembled the Bataan Death March, without the bright spots, and neglected the women's team is an embarrassment.


Our ombudsman is a harsh taskmaster and has often cut off my supply of BearMeat funded hooch. The last time this happened, I had failed to complete the final fifteen parts of a sixteen part series entitled, "Bobby Sloan: The Lighter-Side of A Tyrant", the distilled spirit industry in Waco was brought to its knees. The good people at Ward Liquor, fearing the worst, that I as on the wagon, immediately sent me a case of Jack and a note attached thanking me for my patronage and for helping send various family members through medical school. I quickly dispatched our most fleet of foot intern to clarify that I never been anywhere near a wagon, on any occasion and I would most certainly need my mid-afternoon supply of olives and Tito's.

Rachel "Bone Crusher" Allison
Three seconds after this photo was taken, all four LSU players were on their backs trying to recall how the ended up toothless for reasons other than living in Louisiana.

Jessica "Good" Morrow
A devotee of the Bard of Avon, she explained her role on the team thusly:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
Bernice "Da Captain" Mosby
Bernice is not only one of three captains on the team, she also spends her off-season sailing her three-masted schooner "El Camino" in the Mediterranean.

Jhasmin "Ima" Player
Here's a sample of some lyrics the Notorious B.I.G. penned after seeing Player ballin':
Covered the wife, kleenex for the kid's tears
Versace wear, Moschino on my bitches
She whippin my ride, countin my one's, thinkin I'm richest
Just the way players play, all day everyday
I don't know what else to say

Angela "AT&T" Tisdale
As the starting point guard, it is Tisdale's job to make sure she is setting up her teammates, thus the nickname to go along with the motto, "Your World Delivered". As an aside, it's a testament to her toughness that she got up from the above elbow and that Paris spit her out after starting to gnaw on her arm.

Latoya "100" Wyatt
Heats up quickly and if you get too close she'll burn you.

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2 Comments:

  • Well done, Good Judge. Its good to see you back in the land of the quasi-sober again. By the way, your outstanding bar tab at Scruff's has reached five figures. I've contacted a few lenders to get us out of this pinch.

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 9:23 AM  

  • Lazy ass, Judge.

    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 9:26 AM  

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