Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Around the Quad: Lesbian Edition

1. Emily Niemann, Out of the Closet. USA Today features a story on the former Emily Niemann, now Emily Nkosi, who left Baylor out of fear of losing her scholarship due to her homosexual lifestyle. We here at BearMeat had before called her the Benedict Arnold of BU Athletics, (perhaps that wasn't fair given her situation) so we now consider her the Jim McGreevey of the B.

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Emily Nkosi, Was Her Departure Another Curse?

While we believe the athletic department when it says it wouldn't yank the scholarship of any of its athletes due to their sexual behavior (we know some horny Aussies and Czechs on the tennis teams of yore who must have set some records for fornication), especially a player so critical to the revival of our national athletic reputation, we do sympathize with her, and wish that the B wouldn't foster a culture of secrecy and shame on this issue of the day. Even Bill O'Reilly seems to be on the attack when it comes to BU sexual orientation issues. How many potential athletes are we losing to Baylor's perceived puritanical reputation?

2. Pat Neffistopholes, Lost at Sea. Speaking of the love that dare not speak its name, BearMeat hasn't heard from Governor Pat since he embarked on his post-Christmas sea journey around the world on a special recruiting trip commissioned by Ian McCaw. He was accompanied by Robert Sloan, Kevin Steele and Dave Bliss. We think the trip was designed to lift the curse on our athletic program, by ensuring a watery grave for those most responsible for the culture of defeatism.

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This Portrait of Governor Pat Was Delivered to Us
From the Consulate of Papau New Guinea

Sadly, we lost all communication with the Governor sometime after Three Kings Day. The last communique was bleak and alluded to the cannibalism and savagery of the "Recruiting Trip from Hell." On the bright side, we have been receiving various signs that he still lives (his BearMeat Platinum Visa account statement has been seeing a lot of whiskey and brothel charges recently). We hope to find him and have him report on the state of his recruiting trip within the next few days.

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  • Speaking as a lesbian, I am very happy for Emily and her spouse. As a fan of Kim Mulkey, I do wish she would coach somewhere else. Florida, perhaps?

    By Anonymous Scamp, at 3:18 PM  

  • Et tu, Scamp? We love our Mulk, but she would be dead to us if she were at another school, especially Florida. This is hardly Mulk's fault. Though, if we had Niemann during the era of the Paris Twins, I do not doubt we would have gone much further in the tourney.

    BearMeat is deeply troubled by this news as we have a scholarship established for deserving lesbian interns. Niemann was the first recipient of this prestigious honor.

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 3:53 PM  

  • Mulk has done so much for Baylor athletics that she could never be dead to me. It was as if I birthed her. But if she ever left to coach at another school it would be a grave wound. One of my regrets, in regard to Emily, was she never spent time at the BearMeat lounge, which is a lot like David's used to be, only with more drag shows.

    By Blogger Judge Baylor, at 11:48 PM  

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