Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Sweet Like BearMeat: Triumphs, Setbacks and Challenges

Well, dear readers, Wacoans have recently suffered two major setbacks that need to be addressed. The Waco High Lions lost the state title before Christmas and Waco lost the George W. Bush Presidential Library to long-time SWC rival SMU in Dallas, Texas. While Baylor made a strong case for the library, Our Dear Leader has forsaken Central Texas in favor of uber-cosmopolitan Dallas what with their lesbian sheriff and SMU's culture of corruption. Granted, Laura is an alumna and the Bushes plan to live out their years in Dallas basking in the glory of history's positive treatment of Bush's administration's bold policies, but what about the ranch in McLennan County? What about the President's Economic Forum at Baylor in 2002? The meeting with Putin in Crawford? With Vicente Fox at the Armstrong Browning Library?

Was this Texas Rancher thing just a ruse? Were we duped into believing that Bush was a Good Ole Boy who loved living in the country away from the heathenism of the Big City? Can BearMeat lease the Ranch for its massive digital printing press? Questions abound.

However, BearMeat promises never to vote for another Bush on a national ticket again, unless Dubya promises to establish a permanent monument in McLennan County that will celebrate the creation of a democratic and unified Iraq and draw hundreds of thousands of visitors a year to make up for the loss of the library. Perhaps the monument could be a giant statue of an Iraqi woman celebrating Saddam's death by eating a BigMac or a Shia and Sunni holding hands and skipping. Either way, the Waco economy will suffer without such an investment in our region.

As we here at BearMeat enter into our conference coverage of Lady and Gentlemen Bears hoops coverage, we would like to go on record as saying that this year's Lady Bears squad looks better than last year's team, which means that we may have another title shot. Tonight's game against the Fat Paris Twins will tell us a lot about this season's chances. Mosby is filling Sophia Young's shoes nicely, Tisdale is showing senior leadership, and Wilson looks to be our very own Dikembe Mutombo with inside presence (though we doubt she has killed any lions).

For the guys, we gave OSU and A&M both quite a scare, keeping both games close until the end, but our lack of a strong frontcourt doomed both games. We need solid rebounders and an inside game that doesn't solely consist of Jerrells taking to the hole. Our suggestion: put the Mayor on a creatine diet for more muscle inside and have the Slumlord, Lomers, do some windsprints so he doesn't pick up 5 fouls in 7 minutes like he did last night. Our offense should always run through Rogers, who is showing flashes of brilliance out there. Let's stop setting up our offense at 45 feet away from the hoop. Also, for recruiting, start looking for a Karl Malone-type diamond in the rough somewhere in East Texas. Lord knows we do not need another point guard who is enamored with the 3-ball.


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  • reasons the loss of W's Library should not be considered "a major setback":

    1) EVERYONE knew it was SMU's from the get go.

    2)Dallas > Waco

    3) Laura went there

    4) pretty sure it's where he announced his intent to run for president

    5) when it comes down to picking between two private schools, politically, he's gotta go with his own religion, and the religion of all the rich people that donated him into office.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:46 AM  

  • In yesterday's loss to Texas A&M, Tizzy totalled ten (10) turnovers. Coach Mulkey may have to call her own number soon for a point guard.

    FYI, Angela Tisdale is a junior, not a senior.

    By Anonymous Scamp, at 4:25 PM  

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