Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Bring Me The Head of Ricardo Patton

The Original. Peckinpah.

Last season, the Gentlemen Bears thrashed Mizzou on our home court (of course) 90-64. Following the game, Mizzou's head coach Quin Snyder (Christopher Walken doppleganger and Duke JD/MBA overachiever) resigned from his position. A blowout loss to Baylor was the perfect symbol of a season gone awry - it merited a mid-season coaching change. As a result, Scott Drew & His International 3-Point Carnival were awarded the severed head of Quin Snyder, which is currently displayed in a trophy case in the Will Ferrell Center next to the Second Place Trophy from the 1948 NCAA Tourney (damn you, Adolph Rupp!). The head arrived via pony express. The rider dismounted and hurled the head into the lap of the Judge Baylor statue on campus, where one of our interns retrieved and sold it to BU Athletics for a reasonable sum.

The Head of Quin Snyder, vanquished foe of Scott Drew.

After tonight's yawn-fest against a Colorado team which played like a Middle School JV squad, President Lilley has dispatched a team of Baylor lawyers to demand the head of Ricardo Patton, CU Hoops Coach, and latest victim of a Bears blowout. To endure such a humiliation and to continue would be unthinkable. We hope that Colorado University's administration, with its fine record of dealing with athletic scandals, will have the wisdom to remove Ricardo's head from his body and have it entrusted to our legal eagles for safekeeping as they journey back to Waco.

Patton's Head, To Be Featured in DiaDelOso Festivities.

How many more heads will Drew collect before he is done? Who knows. Lets hope coaching legend Bobby Knight's cranium will rest on our mantle one day as well. As for tonight's game, it was an even attack and we shot unbelievably from beyond the arc. We seem to have our best shooting games against our worst opponents, even though we get the same looks from 3 Point Land against KU, UT, OU, OSU, etc. Tweety, Dugat, Rogers, Bruce & Jerrells all contributed well out there. There were plenty of points and missed dunks to go around for all! I see Tweety as the future of this team, but Bruce is by far our most talented. Bruce, aka Baby Nash, is a pleasure to watch and he was clicking on all cylinders tonight. Some of his passes were unreal.

Note to Jerrells: you don't need to handle the ball for 22 seconds of every possession before you attempt an athletic and ill-advised shot. Distribute the ball some, and for
God's sake, please don't strut the ball up court at 2 mph. Act like you want to win - hustle!

Sic 'Em.

[Update: Thanks to an anonymous tip in our comments sections, we seemed to have overlooked the first head that Scott Drew lopped off of a fellow Big12 Coach: That of Melvin Watkins, A&M's hapless head coach, who later went on to assist in Quin Snyder's Downfall. Shame on BearMeat for forgetting the greatest head in our collection!]

Melvin Watkins, Whose Head Still Rests On A Spire on Garage Mahal

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  • You forgot Melvin Watkins!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:57 PM  

  • Wow! How could we forget? Thanks, Anon, for refreshing our memory.

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 2:34 PM  

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