Friday, January 19, 2007

The Brazos Queen: Mulkey, The Ultimate Free Agent

Waco's Most Eligible Divorcé

Our news desk here in the ALICO building has been struggling through a backlog of breaking news. This is mostly due to the fact that one of our unpaid interns was running a Nigerian email scam when he was supposed to be posting newsworthy items on our blog. He has been promptly demoted to Editor-in-Chief. Thanks to new BearMeat Editor-at-Large Scamp, we learned that Kim Mulkey (formerly Mulkey-Robertson) divorced her husband last year, which was confirmed in this WacoTrib article.


Mulkey, who uses her maiden name after a divorce last year, is the team's winningest coach (172-48).

Earlier this year, to launch our Lady Bear coverage, we posted a photo montage, paying tribute to the most noble warrior-princess in Central Texas. This is evidence of our Editorial Board's absolute obsession with Mulk as a champion, a winner, and perhaps the savior of the B's mediocre athletic program. This news comes to us in a period of general malaise around the office, characterized by Shiner Bock consumption, endless Truth-or-Dare competitions, and in-depth study of Ecclesiastes.


Let us wipe away those tears


Thus, we offer a proposal to the newly-single Ms. Mulkey: If you accompany us to the annual BearMeat MLK Party (traditionally hosted a week after the holiday), we promise you'll have a great time and it will give you the opportunity to unwind. We know how hard it was to suffer two straight conference losses. We know how lonely its been at home lately. If you'll just give us the chance to show you a good time around this great city, we'll take your mind off of all of that. We do not disappoint, and we know how to treat a successful, uncompromising professional woman such as yourself.


The BearMeat Editors, pictured here,
Know How to Treat a Woman


But don't take our word for it. Here are a few testimonials from prominent Baylor ladies that will lend credibility to our claims.

Sonja Hogg, Former Lady Bears Hoops Coach:

In my darkest hours in Waco, the BearMeat editorial board made me feel like a young woman again. Our adventurous outings, devil-may-care recklessness, and sweet, affectionate intimacy helped me regain my confidence. It was their love and support that got me back on my feet again after I resigned as head coach. Thanks, BearMeat. We'll always have Bellmead.



Tommy Lou Davis, Chair,
George W. Bush Presidential Library Project:


After finding out that SMU (those damn, corrupt big-city liberals!) would be given the George W. Bush Presidential Library, I fell into a deep depression. My only consolation was the tenderness displayed by the BearMeat Editors. Talk about romance: roses, chocolates, red wine and back rubs! Thanks to their loving persistence and respect for my relationship boundaries, I was able to recover from such a devastating blow. Who knew that a Baylor girl could be treated like a queen? Thanks, BearMeat. You have my number - don't be a stranger.

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5 Comments:

  • the waco trib writers have been using just "mulkey" since this summer. they just have enough respect for her to just start using the name without feeling the need to point out the reason.

    an alert bearmeat editor would have noticed this change a while back if they had been reading the trib. or looking at the mulk's bio at baylorbears.com.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:37 AM  

  • We didn't mean any offense. We appreciate that WacoTrib didn't break the story first; that's our job!

    Regarding the alertness of our editorial staff, you are correct: we seem to be at least one-year behind most of the news. However, what we lack in current events, we make up for in hyperbolic, overblown opinions

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 12:24 PM  

  • I am honored to be added to the staff.

    Anything and everything to do with Kim Mulkey is of interest to me. Rest assured, I am on the job, researching her day and night.

    BearMeat Editor-at-Large Scamp

    By Anonymous Scamp, at 3:46 PM  

  • just thought you might like to know you spelled ultimate wrong.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:38 PM  

  • Thanks for the tip, anonymous!

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 3:46 PM  

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