Saturday, January 27, 2007

Bear vs Cow: The Last King of Austin

BearMeat Rumor Mill: Kevin Durant was born of a virgin on Christmas Day. We got this from a reputable source - a "senior White House official" if you will.

Well, the first-half fairytale was bound to end at some point. Apparently the Shorthorns have a player named Durant who happens to be the best to ever don the orange and white. Had the Bears known this fact, we might have had time to prepare a strategy to guard him ("Hack-a-Durant"?). As it stood, he dropped over 30 on us and then took a dump on Mamadou Diene, which thankfully is a sign of respect in Senegal. The backcourt played well tonight, but alas, we must bow to our I-35 masters.

From Durant's Postgame Interview: "My sheep hear
my voice,
and I know them, and they follow me. And I
give unto them eternal life;
and they shall never perish,
neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand

The Big12 road losing streak continues (since February 2004!) and our current skid also marches on. It sucks to enter a game thinking that you can win, only to discover that you were merely another stop on the Kevin Durant NBA Lottery Barnstorming Tour. While the international 3-point carnival that we lovingly call the Bears played well, they were no match for a team that actually has a frontcourt, as opposed to our 3.5 guard offense we're so fond of running.

Postgame Comments from Coach Drew: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Also, was anyone else aware that the Gentlemen Bears are the worst 3-point shooting team in the Big12? Now it makes sense that our offense relies on that shot, because we are part of a global gambling conspiracy.

BearMeat Readers: Despair Not! Join the BearMeat Editorial Board in guzzling ritual libations after a Baylor defeat. We recommend all wine under $5 a bottle and all beer sold in 24oz cans.

Hook 'em? Nah, screw 'em. Sic 'em? Hell yes.

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