Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Bear Rants!

Howdy, y'all. Sorry about the lack of any BearMeat nuggets recently. Reddin Andrews was last seen four weeks ago walking buck naked into the Cameron Park nether regions. He is still really upset about how the football season ended. I thought maybe that the news of Daniel Sepulveda being named the NCAA's best punter ever would lead him out of the wilderness and back into our hearts. But I guess if you leave all your possessions behind then you have no real way to learn of such news. If only the trees could talk.

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And my boy, Judge Baylor, has been in many fits and rages lately. Over the weekend the good Judge threw his laptop into his coy pond damaging not only the PC but his prized fish: Larry the Cable Coy, estimated value at $1.2 million English pounds. Why would he do such a thing, you ask? Baylor men's sports of course. This past weekend's loss was eerily reminiscent of how many football games went this year. I have created a mathematical formula to explain this better. Because math makes things easier.

The B boys = (1/2 good)(3/8 bad)(1/8 Charlotte Bobcats bad)

Now this formula is not always set in stone. At the end of the the B's football season I would have replaced the Charlotte Bobcats with the '52 Pittsburgh Pirates.

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Who Knew that Judge Baylor was so Androgynous?

Anyway, I do have a legitimate question. If anybody can help me out with this then please feel free to tell me. Who is this in the picture below? I assume that it is "Emu" Bruce, but when did homeboy start aging so rapidly? He looks more like he should be on the casting couch for The Island of Dr. Moreau 2: Melbourne Bound. And the headband? Trust me, I am all about headbands, but that's a pretty weak one. Anyways, please help a brother out here. I need explanations. Unless he has Bloom Syndrome. I don't want to hear about accelerated aging and death. Let's talk later. Sic 'em.

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