Friday, August 11, 2006

FrogMeat, Part 2: Fatty McPatterson

Well, folks, it sure looks like we got ourselves a nice little pissin' contest. Patterson v. Morriss. When Gary Patterson got his first coaching job as a graduate assistant at Kansas State, Guy Morriss had yet to finish his NFL and Super Bowl career (BearMeat legend has it that GuyMo received his first brutal taste of Baylor Pride trying to block Mike Singletary in Super Bowl XX). Hell, it took Mr. Patterson 16 more years of coaching here and there to get to the Mecca of football. Morriss was born in Texas, went to high school and college in Texas and has come full circle back to an institution which still has pride in Texas.

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Not so for Patterson and the Purple Frogs. They would rather raid the castaways from Sooner Nation and belly flop and moan about their lack of attention from the college football landscape. Yeah, ol' Fatty McPatterson has had some success. He led his team to a 10-0 start in 2003, 6th in the BCS at that point, bitching and moaning about not getting their share of respect (see Hack Brown before his first Rose Bowl for an additional reference). How did that season end up?...1-2 in the last three games. Bravo, Fatty. Bravo. Your flop just cost the community pool 10 inches of water.

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I understand Morriss. When I read a quote or hear a soundbite from Patterson, a little vomit appears and prances joyfully around in my mouth like Nate Newton at a Weed'n'feed Convention. I have pride. And there is no pride in jumping around like a bloated monkey begging for the media and the BCS to take notice of a school in the acclaimed Mountain West. That's your third conference in 10 years, Froggers! Are you finished? Or are you still hopping across the road and avoiding the crocodiles until you find that magical lilypad. Methinks not. Come September 3rd, I foresee a powerful Green and Gold "duelie" barreling down the road leaving behind a glistening Dimetapp purple Rorschach blot on I-35. Sic 'em, Bears.

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4 Comments:

  • Wow, G-Pat's probably crying at a Turkish Bath House somewhere outside of Ft.Worth right now. If ever there was a time for verbal violence, this was it. GuyMo's honor has been preserved. Well played, Neff, well played.

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 12:05 PM  

  • Nice blog. I've been a huge fan of that GuyMo (is it Ok if I call him that?) fella' since his days in the SEC at Kentucky. I watched several Baylor games last year (including the heartbreaking A&M game) and you guys looked very solid, especially considering where you were a few years ago. Best of luck this season.

    By Blogger matt, at 5:25 PM  

  • Thanks for the compliment. Coach Patterson has called him much worse. I look forward to another season of heartbreaking losses.

    By Blogger Judge Baylor, at 10:55 PM  

  • My favorite part about the UK days with GuyMo was his QB, Jared Lorenzen. That dude was almost 300lbs. with a lineman's physique and was also a badass QB. It was hard not to watch that dude.

    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 10:24 AM  

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