Monday, August 07, 2006

The Beginning of the End: April 4, 2000, We Meet A Champion

Who among us would have believed that the women's basketball coach would single-handedly bring down the Sloan administration? I'm sure he didn't. Thinking back to that date, I know I didn't either. Let's see, it was a Tuesday, the 1st day of the drinking week, I was voraciously finishing off my 3rd Ninfarita, debating internally if things would ever turn around at The B or if I should take a nap behind the dumpsters.

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This was during some of the darkest days in Waco, but on April 4, 2000 a lone ray of light shone through the bubble. I was skeptical at first. Mulkey was hardcore Louisiana. My distrust of the state dated back to my discovery that a French dictator had something to do with their "legal system" and their natives bristled at me referring to them as Lame Texas. That skepticism was quickly obliterated, at least towards Mulkey. I still believe Louisiana to be in a violent struggle with Mississippi and Oklahoma for a marketing campaign focused exclusively on "Better than Haiti".*

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Mulkey has a preternatural ability to win. Knowing nothing about science, I can say with certainty that at the chromosomal level Mulkey consist entirely of little and big "Ws" and no "Ls". If she competes, see wins. She is like Athena, but without the cheating. She is like Jordan, but with pigtails. She is like Dean Smith, but with fire. Oh, that fire. If I were a man, I'd want to curl up in her strong embrace and let her keep me safe.

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Mulkey's winning was great for The Quad, great for America, but very bad for Sloan. It was never worse for Sloan than when Mulkey cut the net down. Inexplicably Baylor was #1 because of great leadership. During the long, hard slog of the Sloan years we forgot what we were capable of. His incompetence grew more profound each year as he surrounded himself with half-wits and bootlicks. Soon they infected whole departments, including the most important part of any university, the athletic department. But all that changed in Indy nearly five years later, when we realized we deserved not only competence, but also greatness.

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After that it was only a matter of time until we would end our dysfunctional relationship with our loser husband. His constant harangues about us needing him more than he needed us finally fell on deaf ears. We were always too independent, educated and developed for his domineering tastes. We took the experience and grew. He on the other hand continues to pursue his boyhood fantasies, about to settle down with a pre-pubescent Houston girl he can impose his will on. Good luck, we're with Mulkey now and she loves taking us to The Dance.

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*I hear that Haiti is quite nice in the Fall.

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  • Indeed, the Era of Mulkey was ushered in amid a period of general despair at "The B." Who knew that in five years Mulk would purge the campus of our sin of unbelief?

    By Blogger Red Andrews, at 8:43 AM  

  • Indeed, the most important department at any university is the athletics department. I implore someone to prove me otherwise!

    By Blogger Pat Neffistopheles, at 10:26 AM  

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