吉娜的扣篮几乎出现在今天所有的美国电视新闻中

Oh Snapple!!! Red sent me this video a week ago via hallucinatory ghost waves (think Ghostbusters scene: Ray gets pants unzipped by ghost, almost orgasm, eventually and hopefully ghost-sex off camera) [cut] (My pants get unzipped by ghost of Red, playful touching, full completion of orgasm, the following video being delivered).

Thank you, Red.

This of course does not mean more posts, nor does it mean any future commitments. I'm not saying Coach Drew is bad coach, but he can't coach defense. He is the David Klingler of Coaches Vs. Cancer. He's the Scott Norwood of the Big 12.

Actual legitimate question here. Is Ryan Seacrest the son of Dobie Gillis?

Mulkey is in the fast lane right now. I'm ready to pull her red corvette over and administer a ticket. I'm a big bad DPS Trooper with my hot sweat dripping from the end of my bulbous nose. I want a piece of that hot Lady Bears action. Go to the freakin' games, man!

The Bizzaro Mulk?

So is she still committed to the B? Brittney Griner, that is. She's "Big In Japan" apparently.

Morning Rounds

I'm looking forward to FSN's Lady Bear coverage tomorrow. 11 am can be a difficult call time. I think the idea of abusing the Cyclones as well as the excuse to prepare my mimosa and waffle breakfast will be just the right motivation to get up early in the afternoon. I figure if I space out the simosa just right I can be good and buzzed by the 7pm FSN Gentlemen Bears game. My predictions for the games.




BU v. ISU - Mulkey slaps the official as the whistle is blown to start the game and then requests an audience with the pope. Pope apologizes to Mulk for the official's face getting into the way of her perfect form pimp slap. Mulk offers absolution for three Hail Marys. Pope excepts and mends his ways. Baylor 74 ISU 60



BU v. KSU - Michael Beasley forces Bruiser to lick his own ass. Bruiser discovers it ain't half bad. Crowd turns on Beasley. Beasley uses Lomer's head to rocket him to first 720 dunk. Crowd cheers. Baylor 71 KSU 80

A Senior Moment

What happened to our favorite Aussie from Horsham? Really that's his hometown. I'm sure middle school kids delighted in yelling that as much as the BearMeat editorial board at our morning bull sessions. Although recently since I can't find Red and Pat, I just sit by myself and scream at our newest interns manically until they start crying and then I make them change my diapers. I'm tough but fair.
Whhhhoooreee-Shammmmm, Whhhoooreee-Shammmmmmmmmmmm. Most of you are probably too young to remember this, but I'm pretty sure Aaron Bruce was the freshman of the year in the Big 12 back in 2005. He was supposed to be the foundation of a brighter future for a wounded program.



Bruce has done some great things during his run at the B. I don't want to knock him too much, but his decision making in the last two games in critical moments has been atrocious. When he called the timeout against Texas I was beside myself with indignation. Just moments earlier in a drunken stupor I had noticed that Baylor was without a timeout. I assume the Emu was sober, as well as Scottie. The coach has to make sure his players are aware of the timeout situation in the last huddle. Either Scott pooped himself or Bruce forgot. Bruce is the only senior who plays significant minutes. He shouldn't make that mistake. I'll grant you Baylor still had a chance to win, but it didn't help matters and should have never happened.

I promise I'm trying.

Then Bruce decides that with Baylor up three against Oklahoma on the road he is going to desperately lunge at a three point shooter and allow them to get a four point play. Every week in the NBA and college ball the announcers remind the audience don't foul a three point shooter. Everyone knows this. If Oklahoma hits the three the game is still tied. Once again I concede Baylor had its chances, but what was Aaron thinking, "If we win this I might have play in late March instead of poontanging at South Padre."

Bruce in March from 2005-2007.

I don't blame Bruce solely. This really is a coaching failure. Teams take on the personality of their coach. Drew has a little too much, "Golly Gee Willakers we tried real hard and almost won. Darn, oh well, we'll get them next time." Have you ever listened to Drew explain a loss? Despite the fact that he should be an expert on the subject it is always these broad generalities about what went wrong. He always seems a little bewildered that they lost another game. "We looked slow, our defense wasn't doing a good job, I wasn't sure that developing a post game was legal". Compare that to Mulk. On the rare occasion she loses she goes over the exact problem. She explains the precise breakdown and you know she is already trying to figure out what to change for the next game and the the tournament. It's like she already broke down the tape, but she can do it immediately as she is leaving the court.

Of course she drives a Corvette.

Can Drew develop the ability to be a game day coach and turn our big men into something useful? He certainly couldn't when he got here and I don't believe he is now. I'd like to think of Drew's run at Baylor as the most generous and frustrating on the job training program since W's presidency. He does seem to be a solid recruiter. Maybe he can get the talent level up enough that they can overcome his shortcomings and learn enough along the way. I'm not sure that is possible, but maybe. I think how Baylor ends this season is a critical stretch in Drew's tenure. Will he get it done? If Baylor implodes and doesn't make it to the post-season I think we need to ask ourselves about our expectations. I hope Drew proves me wrong, but I'm not counting on it.

Now fadeaway behind the 3 point line.

I Know A Winner When I See One

Last Sunday as I sat in the Giant Golden Boobie watching Mulk's team destroy Trailer Mulk's team for the second time in recent weeks I couldn't help reflect on the quote across the back of the Gold-Out provided t-shirts.

I know a winner when I see one.

- Kim Mulkey.

I was in a reflective mood because I was attempting to avoid an inadvertent brown-out of my own making. The evening before I had consumed no less than a tub of IPA before, during and after the men's game. If it wasn't for the Taco Cabana restroom on the way to the Sunday afternoon game I do not believe I would have been able to consume the three servings of funnel cake I indulged in during the game.

One - What does Mulk honestly think of Scott Drew? I know she would never say it, but she has to look at him and think to herself, "You're lucky there are only 24 hours in a day because I'd do both our jobs for a bargain basement $2 million/year." Shouldn't we just let Mulkey be our AD as well. I mean we could do it just like one of these reality modeling shows. Have the various candidates for a coaching position walk back and forth a few times on the runway and Mulk would eyeball them, maybe ask a few questions for the camera and select a couple of finalists. It could be high drama, tears would be shed, the losers would exit and Mulk would tell them how they do and don't remind her of herself. Ultimately she will pick a winner. I think this could be accomplished in one day of filming and on a low budget. FSN would pick it up and maybe we could use the profits to pay the coaches salary. One thing is clear, Mulk needs more power.

At this point Victoria and Heidi need
Mulk more than she needs them.

Second - Where are all the students for women's games? The contrast last weekend couldn't be more stark. Drew's team brought in the second largest crowd, including the usual bear Pit Folks, in school history to watch a Top Ten Texas team beat the B for the 22nd time in a row. Do you hear that, "The 22nd time in a row". It has been ten, I repeat 10 years, since the Gentlemen beat Texas, in basketball. Basketball, not football, Basketball. Yes, I know it was on ESPN and yes I know we have our best record in a long time, but still come on. A perennial top ten Baylor team played a top ten Oklahoma team on a weekend afternoon in a game in which they were giving away free t-shirts to watch a battle for the Big 12 title and the crowd was 3,000 less than the gentlemen's game and student's were noticeably absent. This less than inspiring crowd number happened to be the largest crowd of the season for the women's team. Frankly it's embarrassing. I will say that the crowd that did show up was boisterous and caused as much a ruckus as can be expected for a group who started voting during Ike's presidency.

Me and some friends tailgating a Lady Bears game.

The President Bids Farewell to BearMeat

Dear Readers,

How I love the seventeen of you with all of my being. So, it is with a heavy heart and a belly full of Rebel Yell that I must speak honestly: The ghost you know as President Reddin "Red" Andrews is resigning from the BearMeat Editorial Board. I have been invited to play in that great Texas Hold 'Em Game in the sky with Abner McCall and Ann Richards, where the whiskey flows and the cigar smoke is thick. The blog afterlife beckons me home - from whence I came in July of 2006.

Resigning to "Spend more time with my family"

My principal editorial duties (fawning over Emily Ingram, worshipping Mulk, praising Brock, mocking Drew, and lamenting Kevin Steele) will be shared between The Good Judge (who promises to return from his three-month hibernation within the next three months) and the Guvn'r (whose enthusiasm as of late portends great things for the future of these here BearMeats). I will miss all of the fellow bloggers I met along the way who have helped us become the go-to blog for Baylor sports satire. I want to thank all of our Oso Amigos and BearBackers for their support and encouragement through the last year and a half.

Sloan, GuyMo & Red: The 3 Amigos of Houston Baptist U

I realize that now that GuyMo is gone, the albatross has been taken from our necks and we have a clean slate to work with. I also realize that the Gentleman Bears just won the Paradise Jam Crown in the Virgin Islands with victories over Notre Dame and Winthrop. These are optimistic times to be a Baylor fan. However, I am a writer who needs a certain level of melancholy and pathos in order to be inspired. These events have proved too much for my frail constitution. Some times an old cowboy just has to hang up his spurs.

Paradise Jam Champions?!?! A New Era Dawns . . .

Seriously, thank you all for reading and commenting on my posts and I will be with this blog in spirit, ala Obi Wan Kenobi, as it continues to stagger into the future with a heart full of hope and a belly full of hallucinogens.

Sic 'em, Bears!

Sincerely,

Red Andrews
Senior Editor, BearMeat

Eagle vs. Bear: Sorta Live Bloggin'

So the Alico got the DVR. Apparently I thought Judge Baylor was talking about some sexual disease he had obtained from our latest untested intern, Clerk Judith McKenzie Le. But no, the good Judge was speaking of a marvelous technological advantage that recorded games while one is watching other awesome TV shows, such as... 2 1/2 Men??? We love it. But we also pay for sex. $2.13 an hour is cheap though.


Anyway, seeing a Baylor team compete with other adequate sport teams is pretty awesome after these past months. However, Winthrop is a team that we should be beating the hell out of...and that would be the case if we had any real inside presence. K-Rog already has 10 fouls, Lomers is still goofy as ever....and fouling, and LaceDarius is going to be the talk of these here BearMeats for as many years as our bandwidth can handle him. Oh yeah, Curtis Jerrells is our MVP. That's important.

Scott Drew's Playbook is on EBay apparently.

Go G-Bears. Go L-Bears (they got a sweet game coming up soon).

Here's to a renewed optimism. Seasons come, Seasons change.

Sic 'em Bears. Sic 'em Lomers. Sic 'em Fox Sports Pacific Central.

We are the champions, my friends!

Guvn'r Pat's Scenes From a TurdPolisher

At approximately 3pm, Central Standard Time, the following image was snapped and stolen from the craziest and inane internet sports fan message board, TurdPolishers.com.

TurdPolishers is an exact science created by mixing 2 part Drudge Report, 1/4 part Regents University, 1/2 part Bob Jones University, 4 part Green & Gold Kool-Aid, and 1 part Robert B. Sloan, Jr. Grade-A One-Size-Fits-All Diaphragm.

[Eds. note - Good luck finding that last one. Have you seen the size of that family???]

Let's take a look into each of these profound topics of discussion at TurdPolishers.

• Michael Vick Surrenders - Sometimes it takes a while for us Texans to receive news. See Juneteenth.
• Perfect Storm - TurdPolishers love to cast famous Baylor folks in their favorite movie roles. In this instance Guy Morriss would play the role of George Clooney, Aaron Bruce would reprise the role made famous by Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg, and the $250 million mortgaged by the Baylor Board of Regents would be The Perfect Storm. Quite interesting indeed.
• I just hope... - Baylor doesn't find out I am a homosexual attempting to free the caged bears on campus and kick me out because I just spent $32k on my freshman tuition/room & board.
• What is Nutt's church affiliation? - This quite possibly could be the number one question asked in the search process for a head ball coach at Baylor. Second question would be "Do you drink the alcohol?"
• My list of candidates... - Cos the qualified coaches are banging down the Baylor door. I'm pretty sure it's a list of 3A and 4A high school coaches.
• Do You Think Mike Is Stupid? - Typical question from a TurdPolisher. Yes, I think he is stupid and has erectile dysfunction as well. Any other questions? Yes? You in the back. I do believe he wears small glasses because he has a large penis. Thus the problem with it erecting. No more questions, please. Peace Out.
• What About Patterson? - Fatty McPatterson has a great job at TCU. Sorry, broseph.
• DMN: Saviour Will Not Coach The B - Face it. The B's football program is a lot like Carrot Top...Box Office Poison. Singletary will be wise to stay away.
  
• The Truth About... - Anonymous posters know more about football and running a program than the Baylor Athletic Dept. That is probably yet sadly true. (whimper)

• and finally, Encouraging News From Pat Neff(istopeheles) - BearMeat will never die!!!!!

Baptists Defeat the Catholics! Tommy Bowden & the Lutherans Pray for Big Money!

Where's yer Messiah now, Beckwith?

The G-Bears have victoriously moved on to the finals of Aaron Bruce's All-Star Poon-Tang Jam in a hot 'n' sweaty affair in the deeply thatched jungles of the U.S. Virgin Islands. The Notre Dame B-Ball team put up a valiant effort in the 68-64 loss; however, the heroic efforts of Curtis Jerrells guided the Fightin' Baptists to a Crusade-like victory.

The Chosen One

I am a little concerned that The B only put up 47 three point attempts in the wins over the Shockers and the Catholics. Whoa...that sounds like Wednesday night's theme from last week's BearMeat Fetish Extravaganza & Symposium. We're so sorry we were busy and did not inform you of same.

Ooooh. Such a devious glare! Nice.

In other news, Baylor Football is still jacked up.

Sez Ian McCAW-(CAW!):

Baylor's assistant coaches will remain in place to continue their work with the student-athletes in the program, recruit and oversee program operations. The program's three coordinators (Lee Hays, Larry Hoefer and Kasey Dunn) will work together to provide leadership of the program until the search is completed.

Nooooooooo. I don't mind Hoefer, but giving leadership roles to Hays and Dunn is like placing an Aggie, a sheep, a bucket of Crisco, and a coonskin cap in the same room. Everything eventually gets fucked.

Come home to Momma, Poppa Bear.

Peace Out, Bears. Don't give us Houston Nutt (although Nutt jokes could be...no, don't hire him, please).

GuyMo's Final Words

From the mouth of the esteemed Jerry Hill (may you one day be able to drop "assistant" from your title. Like me.)...

After failing to produce the “winner” he promised five years ago, Baylor head football coach Guy Morriss was fired Sunday afternoon and left with two words: “Peace out.”

Sic 'Em GuyMo

Goodbye to Guy Morriss